Wednesday, 19 June 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/19/19

Here's the thing: I LOVE dismemberment. I have long outgrow  my desire for cleanliness and am slowly developing a fondness for the physical satisfaction of murder. Actually digging into a victim; all the senses are engaged. You see it, you hear it, you feel it. You can smell their blood under your fingernails for days afterwards. You taste the splatter on your tongue as you dig in deeper. It's cathartic. Especially now.

But I may have gone too far on this one.

I have been so in edge lately. We're still a few days' drive from Jason and I haven't been able to get a hold of him or my sister. I've tried a number of times now and nothing. I don't dare leave a message but finding phone booths and kind strangers with unlimited plans are harder and harder to find as we get closer to major urban areas. I just want him to know that he isn't alone and we didn't abandon him.

I'm still dragging Charlotte around because I know how to make her pay (finally). She is going to take the fall for everything. And then she is going to be out of our lives forever.

It's easy enough to collect DNA to tie her to various crimes. Forging her handwriting is child's play. And I have spent years perfecting the art of "apparent suicide". She is going to help me get my family back whether she likes it or not.

All that's left to do is wait for the right time.

James is on board as is, surprisingly, Casey. I've tried my best to exclude her from direct conversations of jail-worthy offenses but this time, she stepped up and gave her consent to kill Charlotte. She wants this to be over and of that's how it ends then that's how it must be.

I must say, I'm relieved. I don't need her support and it certainly won't change anything but I'm glad that she's on board. It makes things so much easier. Especially with what the next few months will involve: questions.

A lot of questions that don't have answers yet but they will. Having all parties on the same page is crutial.

So now that everyone is on board and the potential serial killer is MIA, I thought I would blow off some steam with a nice, roadside kill.

James and Casey agreed to watch Charlotte while I went out to a local diner to pick up a victim. It was supposed to be quick and simple; just a way to relieve stress and blow off steam.

When I can back to the motel room several hours later, barely disguising the fact that I was covered in blood, I had come to a disturbing conclusion:

I think I have to give up killing completely. At least for a while.

As much as I love it, as much as I need it, I'm putting my loved ones in danger and clearly I'm losing control.

There was so much blood. Even if she was intact, there was no way to survive that.

I need you to know that I feel no remorse for what I did to her. I will not be kept up late by the sound of her screams as I threw her head against the brick wall, knocking her unconscious. I will not be haunted by the sight of my knife piercing her flesh as I sliced her open from chin to pelvis, cracking her sternum in the process. I will not wonder in horror how I could remove her organs one by one and replace them in a random order. Nor will I marvel at the world's capacity for darkness since I scrapped off her face, her fingertips, her ears, knocked in her teeth, and took her tongue; removing any chance at identification.

What I will regret is how my action put my loved ones in danger.

No more.

If I have to choose between my own desires and my family's lives, I might be making the first good decison in my entire life.

Once Charlotte is gone, I'm going to put away my kitchen knife forever.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 12 June 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/12/19

We’ve turned around and headed back towards Jason. I still don’t know exactly how we’re going to fix this mess but at least we’ll be together. I’ve only kept up with what’s on the news and know they’re holding back – a rarity for local media and who knows about its accuracy. I need to be there. I haven’t spoken to my sister in weeks. I have no idea what’s happened in my absence. And I’m beginning to hate my socks.

We didn’t exactly have enough time to grab a full wardrobe when we were fleeing for our lives and we hardly have enough cash to rent the motels. We haven’t even paid for every stay.

A few words of wisdom, I’ve learned on this journey: You really should wait to hear the door close before walking away. It is so easy to convince maids and night attendants of poor service. It’s not their fault. They’re just doing their job. And between the serial killer and the serial killer’s husband, we are rather adept at lying about the tiniest of things.

So far, there hasn’t been a murder anywhere near our stops (that wasn’t committed by me) so we may be in the clear for now. Perhaps it was just a random killer passing through but I don’t believe so. There was something about the way that first woman screamed. Terrified of what she was seeing; no hope for survival at all. A sound like that took me years to produce. It’s enough to haunt even my dreams. If I had any.

I barely sleep these days and when I do, I dream of Jason. Of justice. Of slitting Charlotte’s throat slowly. Stitching up her wounds and slicing again, all the way around. I dream of her head sliding off her body as I sever the last connection to her miserable life.

What happened to her? When I murdered her husband and helped her escape to her sister’s she was fine. Grateful and well adjusted. Clinging to life as she struggles to escape her binds in the bathtub I’ve tossed her in once again. Bathtubs do make excellent prisons. Slippery and confining – only one way out and I guard the door. But as much as I dream of her obliteration, I know what punishment is coming to Charlotte:

She has to take the fall for my crimes. For the crimes Jason is accused of. James agrees. Casey doesn’t really speak anymore but I know she’d agree if it meant her freedom as well. Once we’re back in the city, we’ll make a plan to shift the blame to Charlotte. She’ll mysteriously turn up dead and it will all go away.


All I can do is hope, dear readers. For all I know, I could be caught tomorrow. Or Jason could go to trial without any support. Or a million other things could change. But I have hope that will all work out in the end. Otherwise, what is the point of continuing?

So I hope.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 5 June 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 06/05/19

Another motel, another murder. This time it was a staff member. The one who checked us in. On one hand, now they can’t identify us should the police come through. On the other hand, I feel very exposed at the thought of someone getting closer and closer to revealing our location.

At least now I know I’m not crazy. Sure, I haven’t slept, or killed, or eaten in several days but I am not crazy. Someone is after my family. Not just Charlotte. Not just the police.

Someone knows. Someone knows my secret and they know where I am and they are sending a message. But what? And who? And why? And how? At least I know where. They’re following close behind. Wherever we go next, there’ll be another body.

What if we turn around? Would they follow us back? Could we catch them trying to follow too closely? What if it’s time to go back and actually come up with a plan to free Jason. Assess the damage. Find out what the police actually know about me. About us.

I have been killing for 25 years. And I think this is the most terrified I have ever been. I could always face the consequences myself but this time? This time there’s so much at stake. And it won’t just be me who gets hurt.

Oh god. Would I actually turn myself in to protect them? Properly sacrifice myself for my family. Before all this, I don’t know that I would. I don’t think it ever occurred to me. Clearly. Or else my son would be free.

Could I do it? Give it all up? For them?

I love them.

But I don’t know that I would.

I’ve always known I was a monster. It was just never so clear as in this moment.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 29 May 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/29/19

You will never guess what happened to me on Saturday.

Well, you may be able to guess but I’m just going to tell you, otherwise we could be here all day.

We were staying in a motel just off the highway, minding our own business. I had just decapitated a hitchhiker and left their body miles into the woods so I was good to go.

But then, we hear voices coming from down the hall early Saturday morning. Screams and a scuffle and shattering glass. We watch from the window as a shadowy figure exits the room moments before a concerned neighbour looks in and discovers the body of a young woman. She was stabbed to death after what appears to have been a quick but violent struggle.

And then the police came. Of course, we were booked through the weekend so we stayed, claimed to be asleep and awoke with the sound of crashing. Nothing about the mysterious assailant. Why offer any more than absolutely necessary? They spent the next few hours talking to all of us and processing the scene before leaving a tapped off room and some very distraught neighbours. Well, we were so shaken by the event that we had to leave without paying the full price of our stay. The night clerk understood and we left Saturday night with no real plan of where to go next.

We camped out in the woods for a few nights which allowed for some choice hunting. And now we’re settled in a motel near the water. It’s actually quite soothing. It almost makes me forget how close we were to losing everything back there.

What a coincidence that of all the motels, there is a murderer and a murder in one place with no connection at all. Seems unlikely. This feels like a warning. Or a message. Or something. Too close to someone finding us. Finding out the truth. I have to know who did this. I have to know if my family is in more danger. That’s why we haven’t travelled further. We’ll stay near the water until I find out who else is after my family.

There’s also…

Casey. She’s been on this nightmare with us and I never really asked her if that’s what she wanted. I knew I couldn’t leave her at the house so bringing her along made the most sense at the time but now this poor girl is being dragged all over the country and being forced to endure things I never intended to reveal to her.

She didn’t ask for this. But I can’t let her go.

She’s trapped.

It’s been weighing on my mind. When this is all over, I don’t know what she’ll do.

I could ask her to stay and keep our secrets. I could kill her to be sure and risk James never speaking to me again. I think I have to talk to her; understand how she’s feeling about all this. Convince her that family doesn’t betray each other.

Charlotte never understood that. Now look at her. A pile of skin and bones, handcuffed to a radiator, being fed scraps by a monster who deigns to let her live until it’s no longer convenient.

I will find the perfect revenge for her. I will convince Casey to be a part of this family. I will figure out who the murderer is. I will free Jason. And I will get us all back to normal.

No matter what it takes.

Because that’s what’s necessary for my family to survive.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/22/19

I haven't much to report this week, dear readers. I fear I've fallen into a familiar pattern of killing for relief and barely clinging to what family I have left. I don't sleep. I barely eat. I kill and I travel. No rest for the wicked.

I dreaded this day. When my life would become more about avoiding capture than actually living. My kills quickly lose meaning when they are continually rushed. I'm careful not to always stop on our route - whatever route it is. We're long past having a plan and now we're just driving.

As I said: running rather than living.

I hate it.

I hate that the one thing that truly brought me joy is now the only thing that drives me. I hate not knowing what's happening to Jason or what I can do to help him. But most of all I hate that Charlotte Westburn is still alive.

The Westburns have destroyed my family. They took my daughter. They're trying to take my son. They're trying to steal my life. And there's nothing I can do to stop them without putting what family I have left in danger.

Who am I kidding? I put them in danger the day I slit that jock's throat when I was 17. I can't not give in to my desires. My needs. And I'm not a deranged killer who can't make a home. Make a life. I deserve the life I made. And they

And she is stealing it from me.

I've kept her alive this long - brought her on our travels - because I thought she could be of some use to me. But perhaps the best thing Charlotte could do for me is die so that I may live. So that I can get my family back.

I feel a plan forming, dear readers.

I plan that means it's time for me to return home. And make things right.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 15 May 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/15/19

It has now been over a month since we abandoned Jason for a crime he didn't commit. The news cycle has forgotten our part in it all but I know the police have not. I'm still too afraid to ask what it is they want from me but I know they want me. I should have asked my sister. Then I could make a plan to end all of this. So instead I run. And I kill. 

I held off for a month but I have a lot of pent up emotions and they have to be released some way. So I kill.

The best thing about being a killer without a signature is that I am beholden to no one. No limitations. Anyone can die. Any place. Any way I please. 

And it pleases me to go to a motel off the highway, talk my way into a stranger's room, and slash the couple's throats who would dare to trust me. It felt wonderful to feel the reverberation of the blade as it broke their skin. The tingling sensation that spread through my fingers. The betrayal in the eyes as they released they do, in fact, live among monsters and their fate is inescapable. It didn't make me feel entirely better but watching them struggle for air as their blood stained the carpet gave me a sense of relief. Like a breath I've been holding for a month. One gasp of air isn't enough to satiate but it is something. 

As soon as it was over, I was back to worrying and anger but for those twenty minutes as they pled for their lives, grasping at my feet, I was back to the way things were before. 

I will get it back.

Even if I have to kill everyone between me and my son to get there.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 8 May 2019

Your Mid-Week Update 05/08/19

I almost forgot to write this update to you. Days are kind of blurring together. I think this is the 7th motel we've been in since we left. Every one kind of looks the same and it just keeps getting colder. I thought it was supposed to be spring. I guess some parts of the world didn't get the memo.

We've officially hit international news (granted on a fairly infrequent reporting cycle). Three persons wanted for questioning in relation to the assassination of the politician. No mention of anything they found in the house or of Jason.

He's out on bail, by the way. My father posted it a few days after his arraignment. My sister called to say he was staying with her as he was not allowed to leave the city. I haven't been able to find what evidence they have on him from where I am. Trapped. Helpless. But I do know that it wasn't enough to outright charge him with homicide. He's been charged with voluntary manslaughter - which is likely what I would have been charged with if I had been arrested for this particular crime. But I wasn't arrested. My son was. Because of Charlotte.

She's still alive, by the way. She isn't resisting as often but she's still tied up in whatever trunk or dark and musty room we need to stick her in. I can't think of what to do to her. Nothing I can imagine seems enough for what she's done to my family. We could be separated forever. My son could go to prison. I could never be able to come home. At some point, we will run out of cash. We may have to hit up a bank soon. Let's just add robbery to our long list of sins.

My one consolation is that Jason is safe for the time being. My sister told me his trial is set for May 27th and my parents have hired a good lawyer. She's worried but she's trying to hide it. I, on the other hand, have no reason to hide. Who am I going to hide it from? My husband, who is also frightened for where our lives may lead us next? Thank god he's with me. I could not do this alone. The woman who framed my son for murder? The only thing I'm hiding from her is how much I want to kill her - and I'm not doing it well. Casey, the scared and confused girl who needs to know she's not alone and that we'll all as scared and confused as she is? Perhaps I should be keeping it together for her but there are far more motivators for freaking the fuck out so the fact that I'm not curled in a ball and crying, or dismembering Charlotte piece by piece is a miracle.

Honestly, thank god for my family. They are protecting my loved ones when I can't be there and they're keeping me up to date. I need to find a safe way back to him. So I can save him. Or stop this madness somehow. I don't know yet.

I just

I hate this situation and I hate that I can't do anything about it.

Dear readers, I am lost. Physically and emotionally. Any ideas about how to make this all go away?

I thought not.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 1 May 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/01/2019

On Wednesday May 27th 1998, a son was born. 7lbs, 2oz. and a head full of hair. He didn't stop crying for four days. The doctors thought there might be something wrong with him. Test after test. So many needles. His feet were covered in them. But there was nothing wrong. Yet he kept crying. And then his sister, not even two years old, grabbed his hand. And the crying stopped. He stared into her eyes and it was love.

He doted on his sister. From that day forward; he followed her, trusted her, protected her. The day she died he was changed forever. He had no one to love or trust. Nothing I did could help. But I tried to make sure he wasn't alone.

And now he is.

I don't know how to protect him.

I feel so helpless sitting in a motel room so many miles away. It's snowing here. It's freezing and icy and we're trapped here until the snow melts. If the police catch up to us, we're sitting ducks. But I can't think about that because he's all alone.

Jason has never connected with me or loved me the way his sister did but he is my son and I will not stop until he is free. I just wish I knew how.

Nothing's changed. Nothing's new. I'm just helpless. Hopeless.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 24 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/24/19

I apologize, dear readers, I meant to write an update last week but I was exhausted. A lot has happened since I last wrote to you. I’m not currently at my home which makes writing this update a little difficult. I’m currently in a motel far from everything I know. It’s cold and the water only sometimes works. There are four of us sharing a room and it smells like garbage. For the first time in a very long time, I’m scared.

I am on the run.

Last week – I want to say Sunday – Charlotte came back. She said she had another “assignment” for me; and this time she decided to stay for dinner. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Answering all of Jason’s questions took time and a lot of dancing around, avoiding telling Casey too much of what she didn’t need to know. It was like Jason wanted her to know. He kept alluding to that time everyone thought I was having an affair with her husband and how she used to come over all the time but suddenly stopped around the time Daniel disappeared. Some twisted revenge or spite by revealing the truth. After dinner and after Charlotte left, Casey helped me clean up dinner and she did what Jason expected: asking me all sorts of questions I just couldn’t answer about our family’s history and what exactly Charlotte was doing here. She left suspicious, I know that.

Tuesday night, Charlotte came for my answer on the assignment and I don’t know what possessed me, but I told her no. I said I wouldn’t risk it again and I wouldn’t be blackmailed into becoming an assassin. At the time it felt brave. Now I know how stupid it was.

James was working late that night so I went to bed without him. Around 1am, I get a phone call from him, telling me that Jason was at the police station and he’d been arrested. For the murder of the politician. I don’t know what Charlotte did to convince them that he did it but they used the phrase “irrefutable evidence.”

James heard over the radio that they were coming to search the house, the garage, the cars, everything. There was no time to clean, we had to get out. This was it. There was no way we would let Jason take responsibility for anything the FBI found so our only recourse was to run.

I woke Casey and told her to pack a bag, no questions. I got stuff for James and me – and a few things for Jason. Just in case. Then we loaded the car and just drove. We ditched the car at the city border, met James in a car he stole from the impound lot and kept driving.

As we drove, I remember looking in the back and hearing rustling noises. I asked James and he told me to look at the “present he picked up for me.”

Charlotte was tied up in the backseat of the minivan, just for me.

Casey stayed uncharacteristically quiet while we drove through the night and well into the next day. She didn’t help while we switched cars twice and Charlotte continued to struggle. But she didn’t run or scream for help either. She stayed silent while we booked the room and snuck everything upstairs.

And now we’re here. We’ve been in THIS motel for two days and we’ll be leaving soon.

We know what the end of this journey will be: what we hope it will be and what it will likely be are not the same at the moment. I’ve seen our faces on local news sites but it hasn’t quite reached international yet.

Casey knows everything. I answered every question she asked once we were settled in that first motel. She didn’t flinch when I shared all the gory details. She cried when I told her about Sandra and what I did to Daniel. The only question of hers I couldn’t answer was what we were going to do with Charlotte.

She’s spent most of the trip bound and gagged. I’ve let her out to pee and I’ve fed her occasionally. I’ll keep her alive until I decide what to do with her. I won’t kill her yet. Not until I find an appropriate ending for her. This woman who was a friend, and then a villain, and now a prisoner. What does she deserve for what she did? I can’t help but feel as though she can do one more useful thing for me. As soon as that’s done, then she can die.

The last I heard, Jason was in prison, vehemently denying any involvement in the assassination and otherwise saying nothing. James left money with him for a lawyer and maybe bail – we’ll find a way to get him more if he needs it.

I can’t stop thinking about how he’s alone. My parents won’t go see him, and James’ parents wanted nothing to do with us from day one. He is all by himself and I don’t know how to help him. I can’t just break him out of prison, I need to take it all back. I need it to be like none of it ever happened. Can you do that, dear readers?

I don’t know where to go from here.

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 10 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/10/19

My husband is absolutely amazing. Over the weekend, we celebrated our 11th anniversary – I can’t believe it’s been 11 years with this man. He is my life. And he knows me so well. He got me a cyclist; someone who could physically fight back, is kind of pretentious, and is easy to capture when you’re bored with them. You just run them over.

We spent hours tearing his body apart – muscle is very difficult to cut through. In the end, we cut his body into five pieces, drive them out to our favourite burial ground, and then had sex on the car. Like a bunch of gross teenagers. It was very romantic. Afterwards, we went to a late night showing of Captain Marvel and fell asleep. We are getting old; and as amazing as Brie Larson was, an 11pm start is a little too late for me to sit in a dark room.

All in all, it was a really nice anniversary. I liked spending time with James just doing what we love.

I never thought I’d have to make time for my husband, I always thought it would come naturally. Just being together. Couples who have to schedule date night are spiraling towards unhappiness. But maybe it’s just a necessary reminder to check in with each other. That you’re not in this alone. Being able to talk to James about what’s been going on took a giant weight off my shoulders. I’ve missed spending time with him. I’ve missed how he makes me feel.

When we first got married, we were inseparable. Shared everything – unknown daughters born of previous one-night-stands aside. And we haven’t stopped doing that. Our alone time isn’t as frequent as it once was. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it just means that I have to stop waiting for our time to come naturally or some special event to happen. Maybe I should schedule date night. Be those losers who have to make time to check in with each other.

And maybe that means we’re on a downward spiral to unhappiness. But I would rather put some effort into our relationship than risk losing it.

I’ve already talked to him about this and he’s on the same page so, our communication skills are still strong. We just have to make sure they stay that way.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 3 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/03/19

This past week, I chose to focus on the craft and just getting through each day without worrying about things I can’t control. Jason is leaving, Casey is going back to school but she is never alone – which means I met her first friend. Not her only friend but the first of her friends that I am meeting. Maybe she only has one friend. I still know very little about this traumatized girl living in my house. I’ve been very impressed with James’ ability to connect with her. Especially know that she’s so paranoid, he’s been driving her to school when he can and she does seem to go to him minor problems or to share stories about her day. He’s how I found out about her connection to the politician I assassinated.

And I have been calling it an assassination because while my motives were not political, I believe Charlotte’s were so it still counts. Which makes it all so much worse. And I just have to let Casey continue to fear being anywhere alone because the only way to assure her that she’s safe is to tell her how I know that the killer isn’t coming after her. And that just opens a whole other can of worms.

Focusing on the craft.

For some reason, I was feeling the urge to show some extra aggression in my kills this week. No idea why. My favourite one was the man who cut me off on the freeway so I followed him home. I noticed his neighbour’s house was for sale so I broke in to make sure it was empty before I gave him a minor dose of carbon monoxide poisoning and dragged him next door. I used a crowbar and hammer to reverse the direction of all his arms and legs. Then I took a hammer to his ribs which punctured his lungs. Then I stuffed a rag down this throat so he’d be chocking on his blood as he exsanguinated to death. For good measure, I removed his eyeballs and used his own bloody fingers to draw a smiley face with them on the counter. Then I cleaned up and left; in and out in less than two hours.

I kind of feel bad that these strangers aren’t going to be able to sell their house for a long time but I did enjoy the creative freedom. It reminded me of why I do this. It’s not a job or a chore to kill people – no matter how I’ve been feeling lately. I do it because I genuinely love what I do. There can’t be any other reason. I don’t do it for fame or money so the only thing left is passion. It felt really nice to remember that.

Sometimes you just got to do something for yourself.

As Always, Dear Readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 27 March 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/27/19

All is quiet on the home front.

I’m just kidding, my life is in ashes. The investigation into the politician’s death led to Casey being questioned because she volunteered on his election campaign – a detail I was not aware of before I seduced and killed him at the blackmail of my former best friend who has since disappeared. So my husband’s daughter has been in my deceased daughter’s room with a panic attack since Monday because she believes someone is trying to kill people involved in the politician’s life.

Because you’ll never guess the pattern that the police released to the public over the weekend:

This politician’s entire cabinet have been slowly killed off in what were originally deemed unfortunate accidents and have now been called the work of a serial killer.

Oh yes. I am national news, everyone.

Fuck Charlotte.

Jason has also found an apartment with some friends of his and will be moving in at the end of April. And he’s made it clear that he knows I killed Casey’s boss and he wants to be seen with me as little as possible once he’s out of the house. Oh phone calls and mail can absolutely be exchanged. But he will not have some “crazed blackmailing stalker” know where he sleeps again.

I can’t blame him for that but it really hurt.

I’m losing him. I know that when he moves out, he’ll be gone forever. And then it will be me and Casey for a few years but we’ll never quite connect because we have no real reason to. And then it will be just me and James and I’ll have to find a hobby.

Like knitting or racquetball.

I hate racquetball. It is claustrophobic, noisy tennis and requires half the stamina. The only other people who throw a ball against a wall and call it passing the time are caricatures of people in prison.

I refuse to take up racquetball therefore I refuse to be an empty nester.

I guess I’m getting a cat.

Except I can’t get a cat because James is allergic but I am just in a very frustrating place at the moment. I’m not quite alone yet but I feel it coming on. Plus there’s all of Casey’s drama that I will have to gracefully deal with.

Seriously. Fuck Charlotte.

She hasn’t shown up since the news broke and I’m just so paranoid, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Well, there’s currently multiple shoes in the air so…get ready for a storm of footwear.

I am not nearly drunk enough for this week.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 20 March 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/20/19

Well I killed a counsel member. On purpose. I don’t feel I had much of a choice. Given my former best friend threatened my family if I didn’t. Are these things that only happen in my life?

Honestly, if I had been bored, I might have killed this man even if I wasn’t being blackmailed. He came off as a rich asshole who feels entitled to every thing…and was exactly what he claimed to be. When he slipped me a few dollars to “go get him a drink” and then laughing when I told him I wasn’t a waitress, I knew he had to die.

Luckily, men like that are easy to kill. He doesn’t remember faces and he will believe anything you say if you’re a woman who appears mildly interested in fucking him. Regardless of a wedding ring.

We made arrangements to meet in his hotel room an hour after our “chance encounter” and five minutes later, it was all done. Strangulation disguised as failed foreplay and no discernable DNA anywhere in the hotel room (because I’m damn good at my job).

Except no, it’s not a job. I am not an assassin. Despite what Charlotte may presume. She promised she would be back if she needed anything else from me, leaving me more than a little anxious and worried for what will come next.

The hurtful thing is, if she had just asked, I would have killed for her. She was my friend and someone I learned to trust more than most. I have to wonder what happened to her. I wish I could ask her. But I haven’t seen her since the day I killed the Counselman and now all I can do is wait until she decides she needs me again.  

This is the worst form of waiting by the phone.

The second worst.

“We’ve found what’s left of your daughter.” Still trumps all phone calls I have or will ever receive.

Can we talk about how much politicians suck in general? Sure there are some out there who are trying to be an honest representation of the people’s needs and serve the community before themselves. But the majority of them are just ass-slapping capitalists who seek their own needs above others. No wonder the earth is going to explode in 12 years. Or whatever those scientists said.

No wonder I have so many targets.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Tuesday, 19 March 2019

Book Release for Only Want You by Shane Morgan

Release date: March 15th 2019
Genre: Contemporary Romance

Evelyn Harris.
Twenty-eight-year-old assistant project manager.
Has a great life.
Loving (nosy) family. 
Supportive best friends.
The problem? Her love life is going nowhere. After a few failed relationships, laughable blind dates, and online dating fiascos, Evelyn is about ready to give up on love and commit entirely to her career.
Things change when she meets James.

James Westbrook.
Wants to be taken seriously as an architect.
But a scam involving a former friend has rocked his reputation, both professionally and personally. Plus, he’s avoided commitment after a broken engagement two years ago.
When the opportunity to work again finally comes around, James feels grateful. He puts an end to occasional hookups and focuses on rebuilding his career.
He never anticipated meeting Evelyn.

These two were on the verge of saying ‘screw it’ to love. But with so much spark between them, fate becomes harder to fight the more time they spend together at work.

Will James and Evelyn give this office romance a chance or will fear destroy their possible happiness together?

About the Author
Shane Morgan is the author of several novels, including Unresisting, Impossibly Love, Finding Julian, and The Right Song. She lives in Rhode Island with her husband. Aside from writing, Shane enjoys listening to music, watching movies, and traveling.


Evelyn finished her wine and set the empty glass next to her laptop. “Thanks for inviting me over. Surprisingly, I feel more relaxed here than I do at the office.”
Then stay.
“Glad you’re comfortable.”
Our eyes remained linked for a while, until I lowered mine to her full lips, swallowing hard as the memory of kissing them rushed me.
I blinked the vision away, wanting to respect Evelyn’s wishes and her job.
“More wine?” I offered, standing.
She shuddered a tad and looked at her empty glass. “No, um, I should get going.”
“Oh. All right.”
Please stay.
Evelyn closed her laptop, packing it away into her bag. I brought the empty glasses into the kitchen.
She stood as I walked back to the desk. “Thank you for dinner and for a different space to work.”
“You’re welcome.”
I could see apprehension within her fluttering eyes. She was more nervous than ever.
Evelyn gnawed at her bottom lip as her eyes slowly glanced over me. Then she squeezed them shut as if fighting back her emotions. I was tempted to step closer.
It’s okay. You don’t have to fight.
“I should go,” she said again, opening her eyes.
Please don’t leave, my mind shouted.
“Okay,” I said instead and walked her to the door.
She lifted her hand to open it, hesitated, but then opened it at last.
What was going on inside that head of hers?
Was she as conflicted as I was?
“See you tomorrow,” she said softly, barely meeting my gaze before she stepped out of my apartment.
“See you.”
Evelyn shut the door behind her.
A sigh of regret gushed from my lips. Seconds later, I turned to go shower, but urgent knocking made me halt in my steps. I spun around and quickly opened the door.
My brows shot up. “Evelyn?”

Wednesday, 13 March 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/13/19

Dear readers, I have never believed that the universe was conspiring against me. I have put out a lot of negativity and I'm still standing. A basic level of karma is not the same thing as universe conspiracy. If I'm going to get screwed over, it's directly because of my own actions. I am my own worst enemy, damn it, and you can't take that away from me!

I bring this up because I think the universe might be trying to royally fuck me over. And it's my own damn fault.

In March 2016, I successfully got Charlotte Westburn out of an sketchy situation - one which ended in me dismembering her husband for murdering my daughter. Charlotte was nice, she was my friend, but she was innocent in Daniel's crimes and I couldn't bring myself to kill her - even though she knew my secret. I trusted her to keep it for fear of her own safety and the scandal that would be unleashed if she ever revealed what she knew. And for three years, that is exactly what happened.

And then this weekend, everything changed.

For the last few months, and especially in recent weeks, I've been convinced that someone was stalking my family; in the house, at school and work. I think I told you about being sick and believing there was someone standing in the doorway to my bedroom. Enough to terrify a family of people who don't terrorize for a living. I was getting more pissed off than anything.

No, I was scared. I was worried and I was scared that this would not end well and I might be right.

Charlotte is back.

I thought I would be happy to see her if she ever knocked on my door again - and maybe I would have been - except she didn't knock at my door. I came home to find her sitting on my bed. And she barely looked like Charlotte. I knew she would change her appearance to get away from press and prying eyes but this was a visibly emotional shift. She had hardened frown lines and a permanent lifted eyebrow. Always scrutinizing. If I ever missed my friend, this is not how I imagined our reunion would be.

She faked pleasantries for a moment but ultimately asked to get down to business. What business, you ask? That is when Charlotte - my friend, my confident - threw down photos, usb sticks, and memory cards. She assured me, they were full of enough evidence to put me in prison for the rest of my days. And bring my whole family along with me. I believed her. Plus she gave me a usb to look through. She wasn't lying.

She promised none of these copies were final and she had ensured that the police would be notified if any harm came to her. The thought crossed my mind for a moment but I was more confused than homicidal at the time.

Then, she asked for a favour.

There was a man in town for a conference and she wanted me to kill him.

Normally, it wouldn't take blackmail and a betrayal of trust to get me to kill anyone but this man is an elected official. A minor counsel member but a political man nonetheless.

She's looking for an assassination.

Dear readers, I swore I would never become an assassin. There is never an end. And I can sense it now. If I kill this man for Charlotte, there will be more. Other than the utter heartbreak I felt at seeing the woman my friend had become, there are several reasons not to go through with this.

But my family. She threatened my family. She has evidence that could hurt all of them and I will not let that happen. If I do this for her, I could potentially find and destroy every trace of their danger. It's a risk either way.

I have until he flies home on Saturday morning to decide what I'm going to do.

I don't normally beg for help but dear readers, I don't know what to do.

No, that's a lie. I know what I'm going to do. But I need the strength to go down this road. So far, no one else knows about Charlotte's visit or her plans for me. And if I can end this quickly, no one need ever know.

Except for you. You, who always bear witness to the great downfalls in my life. What's one more.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Tuesday, 12 March 2019

Blog Tour for Queen to Ashes by Mallory McCartney

Title: QUEEN TO ASHES (Black Dawn #2)
Author: Mallory McCartney
Pub. Date: January 8, 2019
Publisher: Clean Reads Publishing
Formats: eBook
Pages: ?

“You lived your entire life feeling like half of you was missing. Fight for the missing part. Fight for this.” 

Emory Fae has abandoned everything she thought she knew about her previous life on Earth. Stepping up to her role as Queen of Kiero she makes a startling sacrifice- feigning her allegiances to Adair Stratton, the man who murdered her parents and casted Kiero into ruin. Emory’s memories slowly piece together, and she soon realizes the Mad King may not be all he seems— and the man who was once best friend, may be fighting beneath the surface. 

With the King’s attention on her, can she buy Black Dawn Rebellion enough time to recuperate their forces? And when the times comes, will she be able to kill Adair, ending his tyranny and rising herself as the rightful Queen? Fighting to hide her secret, Emory navigates the brutal trials of the Mad King, trying not to lose herself in the process. 

Sequel to Black Dawn, now a bestselling series, the sparks are ignited, as Emory learns the cost of freedom, and her title. Will the rebels unite in time? A sinister force has spread across the land, stripping everyone bare- their betrayals, their secrets, their intentions. But above all, what will their decisions cost? By refusing to give in to the darkness, will Emory rise as Queen?


Chapter Two


All she could hear was buzzing. Tight, unrelenting buzzing. The world dipped, and she was a ghost amongst the living. Hermind screamed that she was going into shock as the color drained from her skin, limbs trembling. Her body betrayed her for the briefest of seconds as Adair looked at her hungrily, his dark gaze ravaging her. The room seemed to tilt, and her mind felt thick and constricted. The bloodied sword was still in her hand, and Brokk’s body splayed out lifelessly between them. Life and Death. Love and Loss. Light and Dark. This is the divide her life had taken, and one that she was completely and utterly lost in. Suffocated in. What had she done? What. Had. She. Done.

Before she could take another look, to convince herself that it wasn’t him—it couldn’t have been—a strong hand gripped her arm as Adair’s words registered with her. Then she was ushered out, with the promise of tomorrow on his gaunt lips, and the burly guard led her away from the king. The door shut, sealing away the gory scene. Her breath lodged in her throat, and as they walked away, she adjusted to the world around her. It was numbing her system being out of the cells, the bustle of Adair’s world seeming too sharp, too fast. Her pulse roared, and through the grime and blood she held on, trying not to give in to the deep cracks in her soul. Walk. Breathe. Survive. Make him believe you want him. Then end him. Walk. Breathe. Survive. Survive. Survive. Survive. Survive. The guard was silent as he pulled her down the twisting hallways, past the prying eyes and chasing whispers.
As they walked, she could barely register what had happened. Again, that buzzing droned out her surroundings. In the arena, her adrenaline had smeared his edges, and he was just a Dark King on a broken throne. But in those few moments in his chamber, during their charged verbal dance, she was so overwhelmed that his presence had unraveled a part of her long forgotten. That out of anyone else, he had brought snippets of blurry memories to surface. The feeling of recognition, of friendship. Of betrayal, of loyalty, of confusion and pain. Swallowing hard, she walked, pushing the thought of the king out from her mind. She thought of nothing, and as they wove through the corrupt kingdom, she gave in to the void and allowed herself to fall until she felt nothing at all.


The bath water ran, pouring into the clawed tub. It churned, making several eddies in the water. She stood, back stiff, watching the spout gush. Too fast. Too loud. The frothy surface reflected the paint flecking the gold and red of the walls. She blinked, turning slowly. In her chambers, a fire blazed in its hearth, bookcases lined the stone wall, and a huge four-poster bed waited for her. Flush to the sidewall, a closet full of clothing beckoned to her. It was lavish, a place fit for someone the Mad King potentially wanted to keep alive. Not for a prisoner. She shook with adrenaline. For the time being, he had believed her. Her hands were caked with blood. Hissing she clawed at her skin, trying to scrub it off, only making it smear. All she could see was the flash of steel, the spattering of red blood, and the crunch of bone. His golden eyes, echoing of memories and loyalty before everything distorted and twisted. A strangled sound bubbled from her lips as she slid slowly to the floor, not caring about holding her broken pieces together anymore.

They had brought Brokk in. The same curve of his lips, same flecked golden eyes. At first glance, it had been, without a doubt, him. All it took was one second. His golden hair turned black; his eyes bled into nothingness, and his edges blurred. Her instinct had screamed imposter. That hadn’t been Brokk, and she had acted on that gut feeling alone. She replayed that moment repeatedly in her mind. The tang of magic was overwhelming, filling her mouth, her nose, her mind. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath. The sword had felt like lead in her hands, and with a flash of steel, glinting in the firelight, she had killed. Her vision twisted and churned, and she barely made it to the washroom before her stomach emptied. Cold sweat coated her body as she retched and retched repeatedly. Gasping, she wiped her mouth and sat down, breathing hard. Hot tears streaked down her face, and she screamed, biting her shaking knuckles. The sharp, metallic taste of blood filled her mouth, and she ripped her hand away, her breath coming in ragged gulps.

She was in a lethal dance between past and truth, between love and loyalty. Closing her eyes for a moment she willed herself to see all their faces. Memphis. Brokk. Alby. Azarius. Even Nyx. She hoped they were safe and had found time to grieve for the Rebellion. And for Nyx, that she had time to explain, that she didn’t lose her only family. Leaning over, she shut the tap off, and throwing her clothes down onto the tiled floor, she slipped into the steamy waters. It instantly turned pink from the blood. She took the creamy bar of soap and scrubbed herself until her skin was raw. Her mind spun and spun in the harsh play by play. The real Brokk knew coming to Adair’s doorstep would warrant his death. A plan that reckless after so many years of hiding… Emory paced. It couldn’t work, could it? A soft whimper escaped her, her voice cracking.

She took in a deep breath, and closing her eyes, she dunked underwater, allowing herself to free float. The water was steaming hot, loosening the knots in her muscles and easing the tension from her soul. But those whispers that had chased her, finally caught up. Emory Fae, liar, betrayer. She wouldn’t have been able to go through with her plan if the rebellion had known. Memphis would have tried to stop her. Her heart gave a painful clench, and her lungs were on fire as she burst up, gasping for oxygen, splashing water everywhere, then slipping back under.

Those final days and nights in the cell were filled with terror. The darkness seeped from every angle, and her mind was the target. Memory after memory came to her in her sleep, in the bowels of Adair’s kingdom. And she remembered the frigid air circling around her as she pled with Memphis and Brokk, for them to come with her. And Memphis, he took away her memories of Kiero, of her life as she was plunged into the unknown world. She had been so wrong about her mysterious shifter. Brokk had been twisted by a best friend’s jealousy, and she had complied, not allowing him to prove what he had been to her—what he meant to her.

Bursting through the surface of the bath, her lungs screamed for air. She rubbed her eyes, sighing deeply. Yet it came, snippets of her life as she pieced the puzzle together. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought of the haunted man. She would play her part very, very well. She would pass these trials, and then as Queen, she would free them all, and destroy him. Once and for all. If she survived. If she believed she had a running chance to overcome Adair and find a way to get to the Rebellion. If. If. If.

Gnashing her teeth together, she stood, getting out of the tub. Wrapping herself in soft towels, she stalked towards her bed, eyeing where a small tray of sliced meats, cheeses, and fruits lay on her bed stand. Her mouth dropped opened as she lunged towards the tray, shovelling it in. She couldn’t remember the last time she had eaten. It was heavenly. She pushed down the guilt as she chewed. She wouldn’t be any use half-starved. Sighing, she flopped on the bed, and she couldn’t help herself as she started to drift off, the whispers of her mind bringing her into a restless sleep filled with dreams of dark eyes and steel cages, trying to keep her locked away. And her, never fast enough to outrun any of them.


Renegade and Black Dawn will be available in the following #Vancouver area locations : Chapters Burnaby, Indigo Surrey, Chapters Coquitlam, Indigo West Vancouver, Indigo Granville (2505 Granville St) and Indigo Robson (1033 Robson St) in December!

Title: RENEGADE (Black Dawn 0.5)
Author: Mallory McCartney
Pub. Date: July 3, 2018
Publisher: Clean Reads Publishing
Formats: Paperback, eBook
Pages: 274
Find it: Amazon, B&N, TBD, Goodreads

“The time for Kiero’s reign in prosperity is over.”

Six years before the Black Dawn Rebellion, Adair Stratton and Emory Fae are following in their parent’s footsteps and living at The Academy, a home for those who are gifted. The pressure to uphold the future of their parent’s dream falls on them. An outcast and feared by most, Adair longs to break away from the expectations dictating his future. Even if Emory tries to make him see differently. An unexpected group of friends keep him there, but as whispers of unexplained disappearances start reaching from the capital, Adair starts to doubt The Academy is all it seems.

An unexpected visit ignites new tensions as the roguish king from across the Black Sea, Tadeas Maher of the Shattered Isles, and his heir, Marquis Maher sail to Kiero. Notorious for their pirating and wrath- for the first time in years, they demand the Fae’s listen to their proposition for a new treaty, holding the news of Nei’s father’s abrupt death over them. Caught in the middle of politics- Adair and Emory, with the help of their best friends Brokk and Memphis search for the one thing that matters most- finding out the truth.

In this gripping prequel to Black Dawn, their world is tipped upside down as unlikely alliances are made. War ravages through Kiero and is torn apart by acclaimed Kings. Through the throes of betrayal, lies, hidden magic and love, Adair is faced with a life changing decision- to fight or to bow to the darkness within him.


Title: BLACK DAWN (Black Dawn #1)
Author: Mallory McCartney
Release Date: February 14, 2017
Publisher: Clean Reads Publishing
Pages: 352
Formats: Paperback, eBook
Find it: Amazon, B&N, TBD, Goodreads

Emory Fae enjoys leading a quiet, normal life. That is until two mysterious, and handsome soldiers show up at her apartment, and the life she knew is instantly whisked away. Memphis Carter and Brokk Foster come from the magical and war ridden world of Kiero, and bringing Emory back she will discover she is the long lost heir to the Royal Line and is thrown into the Black Dawn Rebellion with a dynamic role to ignite the rebels and reclaim her throne.

With both men being darkly woven in her past Emory uncovers hidden secrets, a power held long dormant, and will soon realize there are worse things than supernatural humans, love, loss, betrayal, and a Mad King.

Some things are better left in the shadows.


About Mallory:
Mallory McCartney is the author of the bestselling Black Dawn series. She currently lives in Sarnia, Ontario with her husband and their three dachshunds Link, Lola and Leonard. When she isn’t working on her next novel or reading, she can be found day dreaming about fantasy worlds and hiking. Other favorite pastimes involve reorganizing perpetually overflowing bookshelves and seeking out new coffee and dessert shops.

Giveaway Details:
One lucky winner will receive a $10 Amazon Gift Card, International.
Giveaway ends March 15 at midnight, EST!

Giveaway Embed Code:

Tour Schedule:
Week One:
2/18/2019- That Transylvanian Chick Book Blog- Spotlight
2/19/2019- BookHounds YA- Excerpt
2/20/2019- The Page Unbound- Excerpt
2/21/2019- Kelly P's Blog- Spotlight
2/22/2019- A Dream Within A Dream- Excerpt

Week Two:
2/25/2019- Adventures Thru Wonderland- Review
2/26/2019- Novel Novice- Excerpt
2/27/2019- Confessions of a YA Reader- Excerpt
2/28/2019- A Gingerly Review- Excerpt
3/1/2019- dmcireadsblog- Excerpt

Week Three:
3/4/2019- Smada's Book Smack- Spotlight
3/5/2019- Defining Ways- Excerpt
3/6/2019- K.L. Knovitzke – Author- Excerpt
3/7/2019- Lone Tree Reviews- Excerpt
3/8/2019- Lauren is Reading- Review

Week Four:
3/11/2019- D Books and Reviews- Review
3/12/2019- Writer of Wrongs- Excerpt
3/13/2019- Here's to Happy Endings- Spotlight
3/14/2019- Bookriot- Review
3/15/2019- Two Chicks on Books- Excerpt