Have I ever told you about my 21st birthday murder spree? 21 is a huge time in a girl’s life. It’s a time of growth, and change. Even if it’s not a huge legal milestone, we’re still conditioned to celebrate it as a rite of passage into adulthood. This was just before I started writing this blog. I got the idea for it after this night. I wanted to be able to share my experiences without, you know, getting arrested.
My sister and I went out with some friends and got exceptionally drunk. It may have lowered my inhibitions but I certainly enjoyed myself.
It started at the first bar, then the next, then the next. We began the night with 8 friends, ended with 6. One went home. The other was found outside a McDonalds 4 blocks away. I also met some lovely strangers that night; too many to count obviously but there were certainly 5 who stayed in my memory.
The first was a bouncer at a club (that I don’t think is open anymore). It was our first stop of the night so we hadn’t had much to drink but one of the girls was very eager to get the night started right away. I took the opportunity to hold her hair back in the alleyway and scope out my first victim. While Chelsea was busy puking her guts out, I snagged the bouncer as he switched shifts. Quick and painless garroting. Always keep wire in your purse, ladies. It’s so useful.
Then there was the cab driver on the way to our third bar. I poisoned him. Heat activated capsule of boric acid in his coffee cup when he wasn’t looking.
Just kidding – though didn’t that sound cool? One thing on my bucket list is to kill someone like I was a spy in some noir story. Or like a foreign secret agent who shall not be named mostly because I’m unsure of copyright laws.
Anyways, it was way easier. While one of the girls was paying the fare, I slashed a tire and cut some sort of wire – cars were never my thing. He crashed a few blocks later and then was hit by another car when he tried to escape.
Next was the girl sitting next to us at the bar. Just before we left, I poured a cap of bleach into her drink. By that point, we were all too drunk to remember much of anything which made the police’s job so much harder – and our alibis that much easier to make up.
Lastly, there was a couple who worked at a restaurant near one of the girls’ apartments. We ordered food from them and when I stepped out for fresh air not long after, I used the wire (cleaned of course) on both of them; leaving them to be sent to the city dump and – to my knowledge – never be found.
It really was a wonderful night. Not only did I get to spend time with my friends – even if some were more interested in partying than staying together – but I got to indulge and enjoy myself on my own terms. What a night!
Sandra would have been 21 on Monday. There’s so much she’ll never get to do. So many people she’ll never get to be. What should have been a momentous day is still so filled with sadness. You are forever in my heart, my darling.
As always, dear readers,