Wednesday, 15 May 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/15/19

It has now been over a month since we abandoned Jason for a crime he didn't commit. The news cycle has forgotten our part in it all but I know the police have not. I'm still too afraid to ask what it is they want from me but I know they want me. I should have asked my sister. Then I could make a plan to end all of this. So instead I run. And I kill. 

I held off for a month but I have a lot of pent up emotions and they have to be released some way. So I kill.

The best thing about being a killer without a signature is that I am beholden to no one. No limitations. Anyone can die. Any place. Any way I please. 

And it pleases me to go to a motel off the highway, talk my way into a stranger's room, and slash the couple's throats who would dare to trust me. It felt wonderful to feel the reverberation of the blade as it broke their skin. The tingling sensation that spread through my fingers. The betrayal in the eyes as they released they do, in fact, live among monsters and their fate is inescapable. It didn't make me feel entirely better but watching them struggle for air as their blood stained the carpet gave me a sense of relief. Like a breath I've been holding for a month. One gasp of air isn't enough to satiate but it is something. 

As soon as it was over, I was back to worrying and anger but for those twenty minutes as they pled for their lives, grasping at my feet, I was back to the way things were before. 

I will get it back.

Even if I have to kill everyone between me and my son to get there.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 8 May 2019

Your Mid-Week Update 05/08/19

I almost forgot to write this update to you. Days are kind of blurring together. I think this is the 7th motel we've been in since we left. Every one kind of looks the same and it just keeps getting colder. I thought it was supposed to be spring. I guess some parts of the world didn't get the memo.

We've officially hit international news (granted on a fairly infrequent reporting cycle). Three persons wanted for questioning in relation to the assassination of the politician. No mention of anything they found in the house or of Jason.

He's out on bail, by the way. My father posted it a few days after his arraignment. My sister called to say he was staying with her as he was not allowed to leave the city. I haven't been able to find what evidence they have on him from where I am. Trapped. Helpless. But I do know that it wasn't enough to outright charge him with homicide. He's been charged with voluntary manslaughter - which is likely what I would have been charged with if I had been arrested for this particular crime. But I wasn't arrested. My son was. Because of Charlotte.

She's still alive, by the way. She isn't resisting as often but she's still tied up in whatever trunk or dark and musty room we need to stick her in. I can't think of what to do to her. Nothing I can imagine seems enough for what she's done to my family. We could be separated forever. My son could go to prison. I could never be able to come home. At some point, we will run out of cash. We may have to hit up a bank soon. Let's just add robbery to our long list of sins.

My one consolation is that Jason is safe for the time being. My sister told me his trial is set for May 27th and my parents have hired a good lawyer. She's worried but she's trying to hide it. I, on the other hand, have no reason to hide. Who am I going to hide it from? My husband, who is also frightened for where our lives may lead us next? Thank god he's with me. I could not do this alone. The woman who framed my son for murder? The only thing I'm hiding from her is how much I want to kill her - and I'm not doing it well. Casey, the scared and confused girl who needs to know she's not alone and that we'll all as scared and confused as she is? Perhaps I should be keeping it together for her but there are far more motivators for freaking the fuck out so the fact that I'm not curled in a ball and crying, or dismembering Charlotte piece by piece is a miracle.

Honestly, thank god for my family. They are protecting my loved ones when I can't be there and they're keeping me up to date. I need to find a safe way back to him. So I can save him. Or stop this madness somehow. I don't know yet.

I just

I hate this situation and I hate that I can't do anything about it.

Dear readers, I am lost. Physically and emotionally. Any ideas about how to make this all go away?

I thought not.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 1 May 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 05/01/2019

On Wednesday May 27th 1998, a son was born. 7lbs, 2oz. and a head full of hair. He didn't stop crying for four days. The doctors thought there might be something wrong with him. Test after test. So many needles. His feet were covered in them. But there was nothing wrong. Yet he kept crying. And then his sister, not even two years old, grabbed his hand. And the crying stopped. He stared into her eyes and it was love.

He doted on his sister. From that day forward; he followed her, trusted her, protected her. The day she died he was changed forever. He had no one to love or trust. Nothing I did could help. But I tried to make sure he wasn't alone.

And now he is.

I don't know how to protect him.

I feel so helpless sitting in a motel room so many miles away. It's snowing here. It's freezing and icy and we're trapped here until the snow melts. If the police catch up to us, we're sitting ducks. But I can't think about that because he's all alone.

Jason has never connected with me or loved me the way his sister did but he is my son and I will not stop until he is free. I just wish I knew how.

Nothing's changed. Nothing's new. I'm just helpless. Hopeless.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 24 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/24/19

I apologize, dear readers, I meant to write an update last week but I was exhausted. A lot has happened since I last wrote to you. I’m not currently at my home which makes writing this update a little difficult. I’m currently in a motel far from everything I know. It’s cold and the water only sometimes works. There are four of us sharing a room and it smells like garbage. For the first time in a very long time, I’m scared.

I am on the run.

Last week – I want to say Sunday – Charlotte came back. She said she had another “assignment” for me; and this time she decided to stay for dinner. It was uncomfortable to say the least. Answering all of Jason’s questions took time and a lot of dancing around, avoiding telling Casey too much of what she didn’t need to know. It was like Jason wanted her to know. He kept alluding to that time everyone thought I was having an affair with her husband and how she used to come over all the time but suddenly stopped around the time Daniel disappeared. Some twisted revenge or spite by revealing the truth. After dinner and after Charlotte left, Casey helped me clean up dinner and she did what Jason expected: asking me all sorts of questions I just couldn’t answer about our family’s history and what exactly Charlotte was doing here. She left suspicious, I know that.

Tuesday night, Charlotte came for my answer on the assignment and I don’t know what possessed me, but I told her no. I said I wouldn’t risk it again and I wouldn’t be blackmailed into becoming an assassin. At the time it felt brave. Now I know how stupid it was.

James was working late that night so I went to bed without him. Around 1am, I get a phone call from him, telling me that Jason was at the police station and he’d been arrested. For the murder of the politician. I don’t know what Charlotte did to convince them that he did it but they used the phrase “irrefutable evidence.”

James heard over the radio that they were coming to search the house, the garage, the cars, everything. There was no time to clean, we had to get out. This was it. There was no way we would let Jason take responsibility for anything the FBI found so our only recourse was to run.

I woke Casey and told her to pack a bag, no questions. I got stuff for James and me – and a few things for Jason. Just in case. Then we loaded the car and just drove. We ditched the car at the city border, met James in a car he stole from the impound lot and kept driving.

As we drove, I remember looking in the back and hearing rustling noises. I asked James and he told me to look at the “present he picked up for me.”

Charlotte was tied up in the backseat of the minivan, just for me.

Casey stayed uncharacteristically quiet while we drove through the night and well into the next day. She didn’t help while we switched cars twice and Charlotte continued to struggle. But she didn’t run or scream for help either. She stayed silent while we booked the room and snuck everything upstairs.

And now we’re here. We’ve been in THIS motel for two days and we’ll be leaving soon.

We know what the end of this journey will be: what we hope it will be and what it will likely be are not the same at the moment. I’ve seen our faces on local news sites but it hasn’t quite reached international yet.

Casey knows everything. I answered every question she asked once we were settled in that first motel. She didn’t flinch when I shared all the gory details. She cried when I told her about Sandra and what I did to Daniel. The only question of hers I couldn’t answer was what we were going to do with Charlotte.

She’s spent most of the trip bound and gagged. I’ve let her out to pee and I’ve fed her occasionally. I’ll keep her alive until I decide what to do with her. I won’t kill her yet. Not until I find an appropriate ending for her. This woman who was a friend, and then a villain, and now a prisoner. What does she deserve for what she did? I can’t help but feel as though she can do one more useful thing for me. As soon as that’s done, then she can die.

The last I heard, Jason was in prison, vehemently denying any involvement in the assassination and otherwise saying nothing. James left money with him for a lawyer and maybe bail – we’ll find a way to get him more if he needs it.

I can’t stop thinking about how he’s alone. My parents won’t go see him, and James’ parents wanted nothing to do with us from day one. He is all by himself and I don’t know how to help him. I can’t just break him out of prison, I need to take it all back. I need it to be like none of it ever happened. Can you do that, dear readers?

I don’t know where to go from here.

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 10 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/10/19

My husband is absolutely amazing. Over the weekend, we celebrated our 11th anniversary – I can’t believe it’s been 11 years with this man. He is my life. And he knows me so well. He got me a cyclist; someone who could physically fight back, is kind of pretentious, and is easy to capture when you’re bored with them. You just run them over.

We spent hours tearing his body apart – muscle is very difficult to cut through. In the end, we cut his body into five pieces, drive them out to our favourite burial ground, and then had sex on the car. Like a bunch of gross teenagers. It was very romantic. Afterwards, we went to a late night showing of Captain Marvel and fell asleep. We are getting old; and as amazing as Brie Larson was, an 11pm start is a little too late for me to sit in a dark room.

All in all, it was a really nice anniversary. I liked spending time with James just doing what we love.

I never thought I’d have to make time for my husband, I always thought it would come naturally. Just being together. Couples who have to schedule date night are spiraling towards unhappiness. But maybe it’s just a necessary reminder to check in with each other. That you’re not in this alone. Being able to talk to James about what’s been going on took a giant weight off my shoulders. I’ve missed spending time with him. I’ve missed how he makes me feel.

When we first got married, we were inseparable. Shared everything – unknown daughters born of previous one-night-stands aside. And we haven’t stopped doing that. Our alone time isn’t as frequent as it once was. I don’t know what that means. Maybe it just means that I have to stop waiting for our time to come naturally or some special event to happen. Maybe I should schedule date night. Be those losers who have to make time to check in with each other.

And maybe that means we’re on a downward spiral to unhappiness. But I would rather put some effort into our relationship than risk losing it.

I’ve already talked to him about this and he’s on the same page so, our communication skills are still strong. We just have to make sure they stay that way.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 3 April 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 04/03/19

This past week, I chose to focus on the craft and just getting through each day without worrying about things I can’t control. Jason is leaving, Casey is going back to school but she is never alone – which means I met her first friend. Not her only friend but the first of her friends that I am meeting. Maybe she only has one friend. I still know very little about this traumatized girl living in my house. I’ve been very impressed with James’ ability to connect with her. Especially know that she’s so paranoid, he’s been driving her to school when he can and she does seem to go to him minor problems or to share stories about her day. He’s how I found out about her connection to the politician I assassinated.

And I have been calling it an assassination because while my motives were not political, I believe Charlotte’s were so it still counts. Which makes it all so much worse. And I just have to let Casey continue to fear being anywhere alone because the only way to assure her that she’s safe is to tell her how I know that the killer isn’t coming after her. And that just opens a whole other can of worms.

Focusing on the craft.

For some reason, I was feeling the urge to show some extra aggression in my kills this week. No idea why. My favourite one was the man who cut me off on the freeway so I followed him home. I noticed his neighbour’s house was for sale so I broke in to make sure it was empty before I gave him a minor dose of carbon monoxide poisoning and dragged him next door. I used a crowbar and hammer to reverse the direction of all his arms and legs. Then I took a hammer to his ribs which punctured his lungs. Then I stuffed a rag down this throat so he’d be chocking on his blood as he exsanguinated to death. For good measure, I removed his eyeballs and used his own bloody fingers to draw a smiley face with them on the counter. Then I cleaned up and left; in and out in less than two hours.

I kind of feel bad that these strangers aren’t going to be able to sell their house for a long time but I did enjoy the creative freedom. It reminded me of why I do this. It’s not a job or a chore to kill people – no matter how I’ve been feeling lately. I do it because I genuinely love what I do. There can’t be any other reason. I don’t do it for fame or money so the only thing left is passion. It felt really nice to remember that.

Sometimes you just got to do something for yourself.

As Always, Dear Readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 27 March 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 03/27/19

All is quiet on the home front.

I’m just kidding, my life is in ashes. The investigation into the politician’s death led to Casey being questioned because she volunteered on his election campaign – a detail I was not aware of before I seduced and killed him at the blackmail of my former best friend who has since disappeared. So my husband’s daughter has been in my deceased daughter’s room with a panic attack since Monday because she believes someone is trying to kill people involved in the politician’s life.

Because you’ll never guess the pattern that the police released to the public over the weekend:

This politician’s entire cabinet have been slowly killed off in what were originally deemed unfortunate accidents and have now been called the work of a serial killer.

Oh yes. I am national news, everyone.

Fuck Charlotte.

Jason has also found an apartment with some friends of his and will be moving in at the end of April. And he’s made it clear that he knows I killed Casey’s boss and he wants to be seen with me as little as possible once he’s out of the house. Oh phone calls and mail can absolutely be exchanged. But he will not have some “crazed blackmailing stalker” know where he sleeps again.

I can’t blame him for that but it really hurt.

I’m losing him. I know that when he moves out, he’ll be gone forever. And then it will be me and Casey for a few years but we’ll never quite connect because we have no real reason to. And then it will be just me and James and I’ll have to find a hobby.

Like knitting or racquetball.

I hate racquetball. It is claustrophobic, noisy tennis and requires half the stamina. The only other people who throw a ball against a wall and call it passing the time are caricatures of people in prison.

I refuse to take up racquetball therefore I refuse to be an empty nester.

I guess I’m getting a cat.

Except I can’t get a cat because James is allergic but I am just in a very frustrating place at the moment. I’m not quite alone yet but I feel it coming on. Plus there’s all of Casey’s drama that I will have to gracefully deal with.

Seriously. Fuck Charlotte.

She hasn’t shown up since the news broke and I’m just so paranoid, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Well, there’s currently multiple shoes in the air so…get ready for a storm of footwear.

I am not nearly drunk enough for this week.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe