Wednesday, 13 November 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 11/13/19

I love my husband very much. He would do anything for me. And in a world of so much uncertainty, the promise of loyalty is incredibly alluring. We met and married because he wanted to protect me from the world that would destroy me. And I took advantage of that desire. The love came later. But it’s there. And it is overpowering some days. How much one person can love another. How it can eat you alive when they’re lost or hurt. Knowing there is nothing you’re not capable of if someone hurt them.

But the world doesn’t operate on gut instinct and a need for revenge. Things would be very different otherwise.

On Friday, a man stood outside the correctional facility where James works and opened fire. He had an automatic weapon which he purchased after being let go from his job as a cook there. Two officers were killed, three people were injured, and the man got away. It all happened in about ten minutes.

I waited eleven years to get the phone call telling me that my husband wasn’t coming home. And when news came of what had happened and a moment later, my phone rang. I almost didn’t answer it.

My heart broke before I even accepted the call. And that pain became anger at the person who took him from me. I swore – I actually swore – that I would end his life very slowly.

James is alive.

Casey thought I was crazy when my legs gave out and I sat on the floor for rest of the phone call. I was so relieved and barely heard the details.

Injured in the line of duty and at the hospital waiting for surgery.

Not dead.

He’s alive. His leg is pretty mangled but he gets to keep it and I will be with him through every step of his recovery. I didn’t leave his side for four days. I smelled like shit – living in a hospital will do that – and thank god Casey had the forethought to come after school and bring a change of clothes and do her homework in his room.

But then I took her home. James reminded me that I have other responsibilities and my being there would not change anything, but it would do wonders to be there for the young girl at home.

He’s coming home today. The doctors said there’s nothing left to do but recover. He’ll go back for physical therapy and other treatments but he gets to come home. Thank god for government jobs with decent health insurance. We’re not completely paying out of pocket. Completely.

Words cannot describe how happy I am that my husband is alive and safe and coming home to me.

But someone hurt him. Someone hurt the love of my life. Someone has eluded the authorities. That someone is tied up in my basement.

He will die. Slowly. I’m going to bleed him. And when he tries to die, I will save him. So I can do it over again. And then I’m going to let Casey learn how long it takes to drain a body of blood. How much sound proofing is required to drown out the sounds of screaming. How much pressure it takes to sever a finger. And then ten. She will learn how to kill and I will keep him alive as long as possible. He will be a head, loose from its body. Begging for death. And I still won’t grant it.

We’re going to christen the new house with blood.

And it sure as fuck will make me feel better.

As always, dear readers,

Stay out of the basement

Wednesday, 6 November 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 11/06/19

Sometimes I have dreams of being a more creative killer. The kind corporate Hollywood makes movies about to appear edgy. The type of person who creates elaborate contraptions and traps to make the most gruesome deaths possible.

It’s less about regret that I’m not a more imaginative murderer, it’s more of an intellectual experiment to see how far I can take it before I have to remind myself that I have a life outside of murder. And bills to pay on top of that. And where on earth would you buy half of that equipment without appearing on a list?

What I occasionally lack in creativity, I make up for in longevity and I am perfectly fine with that.

Though, I realize that my constant boasts about being one of the longest active serial killers in the world may seem a bit of an excuse for a lack of consistency. And you may be right. I’m very proud of my accomplishments but upon reflection and preparation for teaching, I’ve come to realize that there may be some gaps in my resume.

While I’ll never act on my desire to build Rube Goldberg bear trap head gear, I can still ponder the areas of my life that I haven’t really explored. Like creating an entire room that appears to be outside but is really filled with hallucinogenic gas that tricks my victims into believing they’ve escaped, only to continue running in place until they starve to death. They’re running in place because they’re changed to the floor only they don’t realize it because they’ve been drugged.

So I’m not the best at these thought experiments. It’s not my area of expertise. I prefer to exploit people and not objects. They are much easier to manipulate. If you can understand how a person might instinctually behave in a fight, flight, freeze or fawn type of scenario, then you can control the narrative they’re living until they’re easy to kill.

People, individually, are quite trusting. They want to believe in the best of humanity so they force their guard down until the situation presents another way – even if there’s a signal going off in their brain that means danger. They might still be on alert but they won’t start their day believing that everyone is out to kill them. They will wave to the man across the street to gauge this threat level. They’ll keep responding to the stranger at the bar until they can prove that their instincts are true. Because no matter what their instincts are telling them, they want to believe in good.

And there are people like me who exploit that desire for their own gain.

That in and of itself, understanding people at a fundamental level, is a skill that most don’t possess and not one easily taught. But I am endeavoring to teach Casey had to read people. Know whether they will run away, they’ll try to dominate, they’ll lose control, or they’ll try to appeal to that belief in the goodness of the world. Whatever they do, we must be ready.

Because we have those same instincts as well. We might be faced with a conflict and try to resolve it any number of ways. But that conflict – that victim – can never get the better of us.

So above all, we must know ourselves, in order to exploit others.

And that skill takes time. That skill is honed over years of study. That skill is useful in more ways than just murder. So while I occasionally dream up fanciful kills with no desire for follow through, I am very grateful for the methods I use.

I can only hope that Casey will gain those same skills in time.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Thursday, 31 October 2019

Book Release for To Kill a Curse by Jennifer Jenkins

Title: TO KILL A CURSE (A Lingering Sea Novel Book 1)
Author: Jennifer Jenkins
Pub. Date: October 24, 2019
Publisher: Flying Unicorn Press
Formats: Paperback, eBook
Pages: 350
Find it: GoodreadsAmazonKindleB&NiBooksKoboTBD

Would you touch the one you loved, even if it might kill them?

Antonio, a merchant sailor, has no idea how dangerous Fina Perona is when he rescues her from drowning in the middle of the Lingering Sea. His ship is headed to the home Fina just abandoned, carrying desperately needed payment for her father's prized wine stores. Pirates attack, and as Antonio and Fina escape the clutches of slavery, she steals back her family's small fortune from the pirate captain's quarters. Fina doesn't need Antonio's protection, she's more dangerous than he could ever be, but she needs his experience as a navigator and agrees to give him a cut of the payment in exchange for his help. Returning the money is the only way Fina knows how to atone for inadvertently killing her own brother, but what she doesn't realize is, before Antonio was a sailor, he was a thief.

While threats of curses, witches, bandits, pirates, and traitors are all very real, Fina and Antonio are the most dangerous players in this story of true love and betrayal. Will they become each other’s demise or salvation as they set out to find redemption and to kill a curse?

Antonio pulled down a simple mask covered in black lace with a red feather fastened to one side. It was definitely not the most ornate, but its simplicity made it striking.
Careful not to touch her, he rested it on her face, tying the black ribbon behind her head to hold it in place. The mask formed to the bridge of her nose perfectly, leaving her mouth and cheeks free of covering, unlike many of the full-faced masks on the wall. 
With his hand at the small of her back, Antonio guided her to the corner of the shop where a mirror with a painted golden frame hung. “Take a look.”
She hadn’t had a mirror in her room at the inn. Seeing herself now, in a new dress and with the mask, she could have been anyone. Her skin had taken on a darker tone from all of her travelling. The dress amplified her figure to the point of making her blush, but the mask… the mask transformed her into someone completely different. Someone she thought—for just one night—she’d like to be.
“An excellent choice,” the white-haired shopkeeper said as he approached them. “Such a pretty face does not need much embellishment.” He handed Antonio a different mask. This one didn’t have the lace or feather, but bore the same shape as Fina’s. “The mask’s partner,” he exclaimed. Antonio tied it on his head and stood behind Fina to look in the mirror.
“They belong together, no?” the old man said.
Fina froze, unable to take her eyes off of Antonio. Unable to see if the shop owner’s words affected him the way they did her.
“Si, Signore.” Antonio cleared his throat. “They do.”
About Jennifer: 
With her degree in History and Secondary Education, Jennifer Jenkins had every intention of teaching teens to love George Washington, the Napoleonic Wars, and Ancient Sparta . . . until the writing began. In addition to her Lingering Sea series, Jennifer is the author of the bestselling Nameless trilogy and Teen Writer’s Guide: Your Road Map to Writing (releasing March 2020). She is a co-founder of Teen Author Boot Camp, and divides her time between reading, taking spontaneous trips, researching random events from the past, and fostering her adrenaline junkie addictions. Learn more at

Giveaway Details:

2 winners will receive signed copies of TO KILL A CURSE, US only.

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Tour Schedule:
Week One:
Guest Post
Guest Post

Week Two:
Moonlight Rendezvous 
Guest Post
Guest Post

Wednesday, 30 October 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 10/30/19

I have killed two hitchhikers since I last wrote to you, dear readers.

And it felt fucking fantastic to put my creativity to use in a physical, meaningful way. Honestly, I don’t know why I was so stressed about it before – other than facing the inevitability of my capture – I need to be doing what I love doing BECAUSE the world is ending.

Anyways, it was so fulfilling to just tear into two separate humans, have the power to take their life and then do it. Follow through and accomplish something. Sure it was just one couple but the way their eyes…the betrayal as she realized that I had just stabbed her husband and even though she’d put her trust in me, a stranger, I was about to do the same to her. Amazing. The chase through the forest was absolutely worth it to finally pin her against a tree and slash her throat, the blood splattering everywhere because of how fast our hearts were beating together.

It was magical.

I can’t wait to do it again.

Although, I do not miss the cleanup. The smell of bleach may feel like home but it is time consuming and I always end up ruining my favourite clothes.

That’s why you thrift shop wherever you can. One: cheap clothing you can toss or burn if you really need to. Two: thrift clothing contains trace evidence of all the people who’ve worn those clothes before. Plus you can change your wardrobe every couple of months to keep from creating recognizable patterns.

It all comes back to recognizable patterns. That is the way to survive. Your routine can never be stationary. And trust me, I know it can be very frustrating, but it is the tried and true method that I’ve found. And giving in. That’s the other survival tactic you can chose to employ: Identify your true self, your base instincts, and give yourself over to them. I’m starting to realize that it’s a pretty good way to live. Suppression just makes you miserable and it doesn’t accomplish anything. Be smart about it, give over completely and you may end up in prison for the rest of your life. But don’t fight your inner self.

If you want to kill the hitchhiker, kill the hitchhiker. Just do it right.

Because giving in feels So. Damn. Good.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 23 October 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 10/23/19

So the books are still missing. The books which contains basically a signed confession of my 20+ years of murder. Yeah, they’re still gone. But I’ve reached a conclusion. There is nothing I can do about it now. Whoever has the books knows the truth and they will do what they want with them and until I find out who it is – and maybe I never will – there is no sense in worrying about it. I can’t worry about it. Fear only causes sleepless nights. Making a life – friends, hobbies, taking care of my family – that will keep me safe until the day comes that it all ends.

I haven’t killed in months. Not even to help Casey. I decided I was okay with continuing in a new city but I haven’t…

I haven’t felt the urge. It’s so strange. I’ve enjoyed teaching and I do miss the feeling but I haven’t needed to kill.

Controlling my addiction was incredibly hard. But I never wanted to quit completely. I spent so long needing to kill. The itch I could never scratch. I had it down to a desire – a want to kill but I decided when and where. But lately, it’s down to a can. A will. I could kill but I don’t.

What if it becomes a won’t?

What if one day I wake up and I don’t want to kill? I can’t bring myself to kill. What will I be then?

Murder is not exactly a job you can quit. It’s barely a job. Do you know how expensive my hardware store runs are? And the gas required to drive to various hardware stores so I don’t get flagged for buying so much equipment. No one would believe I was doing house renovations for 20 years. Although, I am incredibly grateful that when I do go out for supplies, I have to make two stops max because everything in the world is one location nowadays. So thanks Corporate America for making my old job so easy.

I didn’t like typing “old job”. It feels final. I don’t want it to be final and you know what? Screw it, it isn’t final.

I’m going to go kill someone right now. Make it part of my morning jog.

It’s not over yet. No missing diaries or fading urges are going to stop me from doing what I love.

I’m going to show Casey that she’s learning from the best.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

Wednesday, 16 October 2019

Your Mid-Week Update for 10/16/19

Apologies for leaving you all in the lurch last week, it’s been a hectic couple of days which culminated
in the most panicked I may have ever been. Being. This is an ongoing crisis.

I left the notebooks hidden in the house. When we left all those months ago, it didn’t feel like a priority
considering we were going to be arrested anyways. But when we came back, I didn’t check. I was so
relieved that there wasn’t an angry mob waiting on the other side of the door that I grabbed what I
could carry and left the rest behind. 

Last week, as I was writing the update, I remembered the books. And that the house was in
foreclosure and it was be thoroughly cleaned. So I raced over there before work and you guessed it:
the books were gone.

The notebooks detailing every murder I’ve ever committed, now missing from their hiding place after a
police investigation leading to my son abandoning his family. You know, those notebooks? Someone
has them and now we’ve entered the most panicked I will ever be. 

I don’t know what to do! I don’t know who has them or what they plan to do with them. I don’t know
where or when they might strike at me or my family. 

It’s a million unknowns weighing on my chest. I haven’t been able to fall asleep all week.

Side note: I don’t understand those people who say “I haven’t slept in days.” If I don’t get enough
sleep, my body basically shuts down until I can catch up. It’s not healthy to force your body to stay
awake when it doesn’t want to. Stress while you’re awake and get sleep while you can. 

Which is what I’ve been reminding myself as I try to figure out what to do about these missing
notebooks. The notebooks that will certainly have me drawn and quartered in the street. People seem
to be opposed to my previous works and might not like proof of worse crimes. If the wrong people see
these - if ANYONE sees these - there will be no running away or passing the blame or talking my way
out of it. 

I will be a goner. 

What do I do?

I can’t live in constant fear, waiting for something to happen. But I can’t ignore that this has happened. 

I need help.

As always, dear readers, 

Stay Safe

Friday, 11 October 2019

Book Tour for Academy of the Elites by Alexis Calder

Title: ACADEMY OF THE ELITES (Untamed Magic #1)
Author: Alexis Calder
Pub. Date: October 1, 2019
Publisher: Alexis Calder
Formats: Paperback, eBook
Pages: 139
Find it: GoodreadsAmazon 

My name is Raven Winters and I’m a mage. Who the hell knew? 

When I somehow summon fire in an act of self defense, I’m given two choices by the magic cops: attend some stuck-up magic school, or go to magic jail. 

Well, shit. There go my plans for the next year. Apparently, I have Untamed Magic, whatever the hell that means. And I’ve got a year to get it under control at this magic academy that’s basically a finishing school for the elite. Everyone here is somebody important. And rich. Except for me. 
Which paints quite the target on my back. Being the token poor kid is bad enough. Throw in that I somehow form a mating bond with four of the school’s most eligible bachelors. Oh yeah, and add in the fact that someone is trying to kill me. FML.

Scroll up and one-click this steamy, action packed reverse harem romance. 

Upcoming Release Dates for Academy of Elites:
Untamed Magic: October 1, 2019
Broken Magic: November 2019
Fated Magic: December 2019

Publisher’s Note: Academy of the Elites is a reverse harem fantasy series meant for mature readers who want action, magic, and steam.

About Alexis: 
Alexis Calder writes sassy heroines and sexy heroes with a sprinkle of sarcasm. She lives in the Rockies and drinks far too much coffee and just the right amount of wine.

Giveaway Details:
1 winner will receive a $10 Amazon Gift Card, International.

Blog Tour Schedule:

Week One:
9/30/2019- BookHounds YA- Excerpt
9/30/2019- Wonder Struck- Review

10/1/2019- Lifestyle of Me- Review

10/2/2019- A Gingerly Review- Review
10/2/2019- Polish & Paperbacks- Review

10/3/2019- Fire and Ice- Review
10/3/2019- A Bookish Dream- Review

10/4/2019- Read. Eat. Love.- Review
10/4/2019- Bookriot- Review

Week Two:
10/7/2019- Smada's Book Smack- Review
10/7/2019- book briefs- Review

10/8/2019- Sophie Reads YA- Review
10/8/2019- Shelf-Rated- Review

10/9/2019- Novel Novice- Excerpt
10/9/2019- Fyrekatz Blog- Review

10/10/2019- Books a Plenty Book Reviews- Review
10/10/2019- EatingbetweenthelinesINC- Review

10/11/2019- Writer of Wrongs- Spotlight
10/11/2019- Books_andPoetrii- Excerpt