Detective Watts: the great man of subtlety, has made another appearance on my doorstep this weekend. This time, James answered the door and shook his hand like they were old friends.
Oh wait, they are!
A little detail my husband neglected to tell me about, he and “Gary” are friends from high school. James invited him over when he heard that his old buddy was back in town, not knowing about the detective’s interest in my case – an issue I quickly resolved. Gary told me he hoped there weren’t any hard feelings between us and tried to shake my hand as well.
I was having none of that shit but I played the kind and quiet hostess for about half an hour before I just left them to their own devices.
But Gary didn’t bring up my case or any part of the investigation to James so I think – at least where the two of them are concerned – he genuinely wants a friendship with my husband. I say let him; as long as it doesn’t get in our way, I’m fine. James could use some more guy friends. Not that I’m in any position to judge.
I generally dislike all people so friends are out of the question – although I will say that Heather and I still go out for lunch or drinks every few weeks and it’s nice to have someone to talk to without feeling this constant need to hide my feelings.
Unlike when I’m with the rest of the world and I have to restrain from killing every other person I see on the street. It usually ends up being 1 in 10.
Humans are just so hard to read – even more so when they’re family, I find. I have no idea what Jason has been up to lately. He put a bunch of garbage bags outside his room this weekend – said he was “spring cleaning”. I know what temporary body bags look like but that wasn’t what this was. He’s got something planned. I don’t know what, but I’m worried about him. Perhaps he still hasn’t come to terms with what I do. He wouldn’t threaten me or my lifestyle but…maybe he would.
I would never hurt my son. But I’ve never had to choose before. Could I choose? Between the life I lead and the life I’ve cultivated? The kids were never meant to know what I do – or what my sister does for that matter; that all went out the window when she got arrested. They heard everything: every little detail about the type of person she was – is. It was like watching the light leave a person’s eyes except I cared about what they felt. It broke both their hearts to learn the truth and I vowed they would never learn the truth about me. If they couldn’t accept it, then they didn’t need to know.
And then everything happened with Sandra and it came crashing down again. She was my last hope that these kids would turn out all right. Without his sister’s guidance and protection, I wonder about the type of man Jason is becoming. I haven’t been there much and neither has James. Who does he have in his life? And who will he turn to when a real crisis arrives?
As always, dear readers,