I’ve often thought about writing a book. Some tell-all tale about my life as the secret killer of [name redacted. Obviously] published anonymously as the next best-selling novel of a generation. And then I remembered that this is the internet and nothing is anonymous. I miss those days. When you could be or say anything and people had to believe you because all of your information is immediately accessible. I grew up just after the epic age of rampaging murderers, charming killers who could lure you down any dark alley. When it wasn’t safe to even walk in groups or stay at home alone. What a time to be alive!
Literally. There were so many active serial killers roaming the streets, you were more likely to survive a colonial winter. Do you know how many…
I went downstairs for a cup of coffee and genuinely forgot what I was about to say. Don’t you hate that?
The point is, I’m living in a time where killing is not as easy as playing the victim and charming people into your car. I never truly had those days but now, true anonymity is a thing of the past.
I know that one day the world will discover all of my secrets but until then, I’m going to enjoy my little corner of the world and stave off the book writing for right before my trial – poison the jury pool. Not that I plan on ever getting caught. I’ve thought long and hard about how I want my days to end. Nothing will ever be quite good enough to close on the greatest serial killer of the 20th and 21st centuries. Oh yes, I’ve checked the numbers. I made it to the top! I wonder if this is a record the Guinness people will want to recognize.
One day my work will be studied. I guarantee.
Or perhaps no one will ever find out and I’ll fade into obscurity.
I don’t know which I’d want more: to be finally recognized for my years of hard work; or to never be caught even in death.
As always, dear readers,