The thing I know you’re all wondering about – Jason – is still a work in progress but there has been progress so I haven’t quite lost hope.
He came to me Friday and asked me about Sandra’s final days. Just like that, no prompting, no warning, he just sat down beside me at the breakfast table and asked me what really happened to Sandra. I told him the truth, of course I did. I’m not going to lie to him anymore. About the big things; I’m still his mother, I can lie to him if I want to.
I was late to work but I told him about Daniel’s delusions, Sandra’s recent hobby, and that Daniel got what he deserved for what he did. I didn’t go into detail but he if asked, I would have. I told him that Sandra had urges she couldn’t control and that she knew more than she ever told either of us. Oh, I know there are things my daughter never told me. I wouldn’t expect things to be any different; but the secrets she kept from Jason were always for his protection. You may not think he needs it – especially after what’s happened – but I will keep the tradition going. He will come into his own eventually but until then, I will protect him from my world.
After we had our talk, he apologized and went back up to his room. It was over as abruptly as it had begun. He’s still processing and I don’t blame him, I just hate that it’s taking so long. He’s following his normal routine but he’s not interacting with James or I when he’s at home. It’s frustrating.
What’s more frustrating is that James hasn’t been home lately. He comes home after working erratic hours and goes straight to bed because he’s tired. I don’t doubt that he’s exhausted, I hate that he won’t talk to me about his day. Or about anything. He didn’t even come home Monday night because he thought it was easier to sleep at the station.
You, dear readers, have been my only outlet lately. James hasn’t been around for any of Jason’s struggles. I just feel alone right now. I need to be home for Jason but I can’t stand it; the isolation is killing me but I’m not killing others. I need an indoor hobby to keep my occupied. Suggestions?
Work isn’t really offering any distractions lately. Heather told me yesterday that she wants to get drinks this weekend. According to Lynda or Lydia or whatever I call her, Heather has been quiet lately and I just haven’t noticed. That’s not so unusual; Heather had her own life and own problems and drinks are a good way to vent but they’re not obligatory. We’re friends but I’m not her keeper – if she wants to talk, lord knows she will. But ever since she talked about going out, I’ve had this odd sense of dread. I think Heather’s going to quit. I don’t like this feeling. Do I-do I care about Heather?
I needed a distraction from home but more stress and worry is not what I had in mind.
As always, dear readers,