Wednesday, 15 July 2015

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/15/15

I swear Mother Nature has it out for this city. We are flooding and dying of heatstroke all in the same week – day, even. It’s like she knows I did something wrong. Although, I’ve been doing something wrong for twenty years so that can’t be it.

Maybe it’s Sandra, maybe she’s cursed. That’d be new and exciting. Bring some magic or superstition to the mix. Generally, I hate mixing genres…and I still do. Nope. We’re rejecting your version of reality, magic. There is no curse.

Glad we solved that problem.

Man, I am in a weird mood today. Maybe my emotions are tied to the weather. That I could believe.

God damned Daniel has me so far off my game, I can’t even think of a good metaphor.

I kid you not, this is what happened on Sunday:

It was a dark and stormy night. Lightning was right over our heads, thunder shook the house; the power went out around eight o’clock. James was at work so I gathered the kids in the living room for flashlights and, since someone (*cough* Jason) forgot to charge his phone, played some board games. I know, clichéd and lame. It was. We gave up after three rounds of Hearts and went our separate ways. I was standing in the kitchen doing dishes like it was a frickin’ horror movie. Right in time with a booming roll of thunder, there was a knock on the door and I’m ashamed to admit that I jumped and screamed. I opened the door and I swear to god, there was Daniel in a yellow raincoat.

Right out of a fucking horror movie.

He asked to come in and I refused so we stood in the doorway while the rain poured behind him. He saw Sandra kill that homeless woman last week. He came to warn me that my daughter was going to get caught. He was worried about me.

That asshole.

I slammed the door in his face and told James to watch for him on his way home but I haven’t seen him since. This man is driving me crazy. With the stalking and the obsessing. I know, poor me. But such is life.

Just like a horror movie.

Other than the incident on Sunday, Sandra got a job as a cashier at a pharmacy, Jason is, of course, still unemployed but managed to nail down a girlfriend who doesn’t mind the body odor – I swear that boy is a traitor to his computer geek stereotype – and Heather is slightly less of a bitch this week (I think her husband found out about the affair).

Things are going well. I’m happy.

The skies have opened up and the apocalypse may be at hand. But I’m happy.

As always, dear readers,

Stay Safe

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