Daniel has been stalking me again. He hasn’t really stopped, I think.
On top of that, the Christmas Body has finally been identified so I can add it to the journal but I still have no recollection of the murder.
James and I took to calling it the Christmas Body shortly after we disposed of it all those months ago. You remember me talking about the bag of bones we found in the garage during Christmas holidays. We couldn’t identify the body so we left it for the forensic pathologists and the dogs to find. They found them easily enough but it took some time before they identified the remains. It was all over the news on Monday: 10 month old Skeleton finally identified.
It was a college student who’d come home for the summer and went missing shortly after arriving. No one knew what happened to her so she remained a missing person until almost a year later. She died the day she went missing (or thereabouts) but her bones weren’t found until 6 months later and then it took some time because there was nothing but a bag of bones. The forensic team working the case suggested that it was a professional job because the flesh and muscle were so cleanly cut away.
Not bad for a murder committed in some fugue state.
That’s been one thing to brighten my week. It may be the last.
Oh, and Jason’s test results came in over the weekend. He has Attention Deficit Disorder. Hooray! I love my son no matter what, and all that bullshit, but I…I just don’t need this right now. I think Jason’s taking this hard. He hasn’t said anything but he’s been quieter the last few days. Not like his usual closed-off self. Just…quieter. I just don’t know how to talk to this kid, to get through to him. This latest development isn’t helping.
James seems almost indifferent which I know he isn’t. He cares about Jason, he looks after him, but he is so mad at me that anything I tell him, even about the kids, just means nothing. Sandra is the only one who seems to be able to get through to Jason (or James for that matter) so for once, I have no qualms about using my children to get what I want. If it means forcibly keeping my family together, then I will do it.
My sister couldn’t get her kids back, the government couldn’t take them away, I’m certainly not going to let them do it.
But short of locking James in the basement, I think it’s just a waiting game. Besides, I have other things to worry about. Okay, I wouldn’t call them worries just yet. Right now, they’re simply concerns.
About Daniel stalking me with pupydog eyes. And Charlotte confessing to me on our way to lunch yesterday that she’s going to take him to marriage counseling. She can’t prove that he’s having an affair but she’s almost positive. She’s worried because he sneaks in and out in the middle of the night and he doesn’t talk about what’s going on in his life. He’s distancing himself from her which means that he’s getting ready to walk away. Walk straight to me, it seems.
I’ve started changing my travel routes, I’ve tried to talk to James about changing the locks – got no response – but he knows where I work, he knows where I live, he knows who my friends are. All that work he put into trying to catch me in a lie has made it that much easier for him to…try and get my attention. That’s what he’s doing. He’s trying to show that he’s devoted.
I never doubted it.
At least in this incarnation of his stalking, I’m not afraid to kill anymore. He doesn’t watch when I kill people (at least I never see him) but he knows that it happens, he has to. He’s ignoring it, which I’m grateful for, but my inner conspiracy theorist is getting…concerned. Not really worried, just concerned.
That man just shows up everywhere I go. I’d like to be able to go to Charlotte and convince her that Daniel hasn’t changed, that he’s loyal, and devoted to her so that she’ll stay and keep him in line but he’s not making it easy.
I’m…scared of him. I don’t do well when I’m scared, readers, but Daniel…when he puts his mind to something, he does it. And I don’t like that. He’s too much like me.
James is the closest I want to get to a person who understands me. James is the closest person I want to be to. That’s it. James makes me…happy. He makes me feel safe. And for the last…year I’ve either taken it for granted or thrown that loyalty and comfort in his face. I don’t feel happy anymore; I don’t feel safe. I need James to help me fix this.
I don’t know how, though. How do I fix this?
As always, dear readers,