Alright. I’m back.
Last week was not my best but I got over it and we’re back. But because I essentially missed last week, there’s a lot going on so please try to keep up.
First of all: Still watching American Horror Story; still madly in love with all these dark ideas. I’m trying to convince James to go down to New Orleans with me but he’s not buying it. I’ve never been to Louisiana, I think it’d be an adventure. Plus all their ritual sacrifices – on the show, probably – is making me a little blood-thirsty. Which brings me to number two.
I’ve picked out my next victim. I know, last week, I was talking about deviating from the plan but I was just being emotional. Yes, I miss the way things used to be and yes, my vendetta against Daniel Westburn sometimes feels aimless and more damning than it’s worth but I know the truth. I’m back on track now. Daniel took away three months of my life and then he kept coming after me, waiting for me to slip up so he could do it again. At the first sign that he would come after my family, I vowed to make sure that he couldn’t.
Killing the people in his life that are even remotely close to him keeps me in power but it also makes me vulnerable. And I took it too far. Jason catching the two of us together was beyond horrible. It put Daniel back in the driver seat while driving a wedge between me and my children – one that hasn’t been there in a long time.
Daniel Westburn has effectively ruined my life. And so I’m going to ruin his. Unfortunately I’m practically in love with his wife so I can’t do anything to hurt her. But he has other family members. Other people in his inner circle. Killing one of his co-workers would be bad. I’d get a whole team of former police and military officers after me and that is exhausting. I remember this one time years ago when I set a marine on fire. The smell would not come out of my clothes and it was on the news for months. I tell you, it’s rarely worth it – and besides, those guys go through enough, we really should give them a break unless they really deserve it. No one is entirely exempt from the laws of society.
Says the serial killer.
In any case, I can’t kill one of his co-workers just yet and I’m saving the family relations until much later. And then I remembered Daniel’s birthday dinner. In college, he had the same roommate through most of his time there and the two became quite close but since drifted apart after graduation. Now they meet occasionally for coffee or to go golfing – or whatever men do at that age.
Killing Ronny the Roommate won’t halt Daniel’s world, but it’ll certainly make him think twice about who he brings into his home.
I have some spying to do.
Speaking of spying.
Daniel is back to simply stalking me and nothing more. I think he’s biding his time. No way would he let this opportunity pass to get back at me. He’s much too rational for that. On Monday, I decided to make a preemptive strike: I went and complained to his wife. Charlotte and I went to dinner – our girl’s nights are becoming quite frequent, I think she’s going to ask me to go steady – and I casually mentioned that Daniel hasn’t been actively working on my case lately and I worry that my money is going to waste. She promised she would speak to him about spending more time with me.
So far, he hasn’t. But I did get a lovely little glare from him on Tuesday morning as I was leaving for work. I never thought I’d actually complain that someone wasn’t stalking me but such is the life we lead.
At least I’ve managed to bring a little bit of the power back over to the right side. Even James was getting worried – though he’s been worried about a lot lately. His hours at work are starting to even out a little – apparently there’s been a lull in crime since I took up my crusade – which means that he’s home for more evenings. Which, of course, means that he gets to spend time with the kids, trying to figure out how to convince them to visit their mother in prison.
Oh no, I have not forgotten about the deal I made with my sister. She knows it’ll take time for her children to come around and she’s willing to wait but I don’t want to make her wait for any longer than necessary. She’s been through so much already. I haven’t even told Sandra yet. In all honesty, I just don’t have the words. I can’t convince her to go see a mother she hates when I wouldn’t do the same. This is why I have James. Even if he has been a little distant lately. I wonder if the stress of Daniel is getting to him. It can’t be my secret. He’s kept it too long, he’s too invested. It has to be Daniel.
Or maybe I’m just paranoid.
I am not paranoid about the fact that my children hate me. I get nothing but the cold shoulder from both of them. I’m used to that from Sandra but Jason breaks my heart a little. And it’s all Daniel’s fault. I would never cheat on James – without his permission, I wouldn’t have done anything – but because of that man, my son thinks I’m a cheater. He looks at me differently. Sandra and I have always had a very…particular relationship. You know that I love the little brat but she knows my secret and she’s mad at me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about what she’ll do if I push her over the edge.
Telling her about her mother will definitely push her over the edge.
She hasn’t told Jason yet which means I’m safe for now. It’s not too late to salvage my relationship with him. He’s getting a small weekly allowance from me which, so far, is keeping him quiet but his first appointment with the psychologist is on Saturday and I don’t know what kind of emotional state he’ll be in.
See, the problem with doing these updates on a Wednesday is that nothing interesting happens on a Wednesday. Really, Wednesdays have become my time to stew on all the things going wrong that week. At least I have some goals this week:
Get Daniel to talk to me,
Kill (or at least stalk) Ronny the Roommate,
Start reconnecting with James, and
Try not to worry too much about Jason.
He’s growing up, I can’t protect him forever. Both of them aren’t going to be children for much longer – not that they had much of a childhood. What’s going to happen after they graduate? I know Sandra plans to be a research analyst but I’ve heard no talk of any post-secondary options. I know Jason is good with computers but that’s all I really know. They’re both going to be moving out and getting on with their lives, carrying the family secrets with them. What will happen then?
Okay, I can’t be worried about this right now. I have to go to work. Tax season sucks.
As always, dear readers,