I killed another one! I realize that one dead man in nearly a month is not exactly groundbreaking for me but I am incredibly proud of myself so no one had better ruin this moment for me.
Dr. Owlface says that I shouldn’t feel discouraged if I can’t immediately return to my normal way of life and that these things take time. He’s still not my favourite person in the world but I have to side with him in this instance. He’s been a big help these last few months in helping me come to terms with my struggle for control. Patience is not my strong suit but so far it’s working.
And I just quoted my therapist as a legitimate source for reassuring myself. I need a drink.
EDIT: Okay, I’m back. As I was saying, I killed another one earlier this week. It wasn’t a particularly spectacular kill by any stretch of the imagination but I made sure Daniel knew it was my birthday present to him.
Alright so I ran over his garbage man and put the body in his bin where I knew he’d be the first one to find it. Like I said, not my best work but this time I was there to see his face when he took out the trash the next morning and my god, it was worth having to give my car an impromptu wash in the middle of what had to have been the coldest night in January so far.
His face got all red and splotchy, and he got this unibrow look from staring at the body too long – like he was too confused and shocked to be furious. But then he did exactly what I was hoping he would do: nothing. He did absolutely nothing; he piled some garbage bags on top of the body and walked away. I knew we were on the same page about this: our little game is too much fun to share with anyone, especially the police.
I was worried for a little bit after our kiss that he would want to step up his game but I think he’s softening up to me. I think he’s starting to understand the rules of our game.
And yes, since so many of you caught my not-so-subtle story last week, I’ll finish it.
Daniel and I did kiss at his birthday dinner and no, it wasn’t bad but no, I wasn’t cheating on James. To be perfectly honest it was his idea. Remember all those months ago when James and Daniel met, and my husband was so excited because he came up with a plan to finally beat him? Well, this is his plan. To distract Daniel as long and as often as possible. Keep him off my trail by keeping him as close as possible.
And it started with a kiss.
We were arguing in the kitchen – well mostly he was just calling me rude names and telling me how much he wants to fucking kill me – and he stepped in close to sort of growl at me when I just looked at him and…kissed him. It wasn’t a long kiss or a particularly memorable kiss but it worked. He stared at me, still seething mad, and then he kissed me. He was quiet aggressive. It wasn’t unpleasant.
But after a few minutes of that, he shoved me against a wall and told me “this isn’t over” and walked back into the dining room like nothing had happened.
James came in to check on me while I was readjusting everything and he knew without even really looking that we’d set the plan into motion.
Make no mistake, dear readers, I love my husband dearly; even more so for the trust he’s placed on me since we began this endeavor to rid our lives of this man. The steps that come next will not be easy for either of us but I love him and I’ll do my best not to cross his line.
But I have to do whatever it takes to make sure Daniel never catches me. I have to make sure he can’t hurt me or my family and that’s all there is to it.
No matter the cost.
As always, dear readers,