Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/16/17

At no point in history do I ever want to see myself as a moral superior. I kill people for sport. I find pleasure in taking other’s lives and I feel no remorse. For all intents and purposes I am a monster in society – albeit a charming and witty one – but a monster nonetheless.

I have prided myself on creating a blog that is the culmination of fantasy and reality. Not every detail is true but there’s enough to offer an insight into my daily life, and it allows me to anonymously vent my frustrations to the world.

In a life that is dark and unrelenting, I need to be reminded of my own humanity. My career and my personal life have been rather chaotic as of late. To tell you the truth, I haven’t had a completely stress-free week since I started killing; but these last few years have been particularly rough.

Losing a child – a loved one – is never easy.

Normally I would use this space to tell you about my latest kill or some ridiculous thing Heather has done this week but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve ignored a lot of world events and avoided talking about politics on this blog but too much has happened lately.

We are as close to destruction as we were at the height of the Cold War. We’ve been like that for nearly 8 months now and it’s only gotten worse. There is so much hate in the world I feel like the only sane one. I don’t know who’s worse: them or me. To kill with reason or without? I don’t discriminate in choice of victim. When I kill, it’s not because I think it’s right or good. I kill because it’s fun and I’m good at it – and if you want to do something right, you have to do it yourself.

I use a lot of humor in my writing because I am so accustomed to death and yes, that does make me a monster; but there are things worse than monsters in the world. There are things I can’t warn you against or protect my loved ones from. Sometimes it’s just over.

The reason I’m writing this is to remind you, my dear readers, to keep going. I would hate to see you stop doing what you believe in because monsters – or worse – threaten your life. But you cannot retaliate. Fighting hate with hate will only make that clock tick faster. Be more resilient than the things that would tear you down.

It’s all quiet on the home front. No more killing today.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/09/17

Short and brief today. Mostly because I am exhausted and it’s bad enough I have to stare at a computer screen all day. The heat wave has been killing me. My sleep cycle is so off and nothing has really helped it. I tried Melatonin, fans, cold compress, I even slept downstairs for a few nights but my neck severely disagreed with that. Ever since that car accident a few years ago, I need a soft even surface to sleep on.

Anyways, this sleeplessness has led to more than a few late night murder trips just to move around. I get so restless lying in bed with nothing to do but sweat. But because I’ve been so exhausted, I’m not as focused as I could be – I know that – still, it’s fun.

So I wrestling with one of my attackers and he did not get the upper hand but he did have me backed against a wall. Now I learned this trick from Outlander – the tv series, not the books; I haven’t read the books so I don’t know, maybe it’s also featured in the books – of all places. It’s a wonder I’ve never used it before. I stabbed him in the back, under the ribs and in an upward thrust motion. I try my best not to get into a position where I need to stab someone who’s on top of me. But if the occasion ever arises again, I know what to do.

I’m actually quite liking Outlander. It’s a good series. Those too seem to have a healthy love life which is such a rare thing in television. Either they’re never fucking or they’re doing it all the time. I just mean it’s nice to see a couple enjoy one another instead of their relationship being so one-sided. Although, I may be wrong. For all I know the books don’t match up at all. Have any of you dear readers read Outlander? How does the series compare?

Alright, I need to rest my eyes. Seriously. I’m going to take a nap at lunch today. I may not even make it until then. Hope your day is good; mine will certainly drag on.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 08/02/17

This summer has absolutely flown by. I cannot believe it’s August already. I was going to ask the boys if they wanted to go on vacation but we’ve only got a month left before the fall.

Although…

No one is confined to a certain schedule. No one is attending school or has any major plans. What if we took a family trip later in the year? October in Europe might be interesting. Or perhaps a cruise? I’ve always wanted to go to the Caribbean. Now is it Car-i-bean or Cari-bee-an?I think it depends on the context but what do you think, dear readers?

Speaking of my dear readers, I wanted to talk about you today.

I was having lunch with Heather the other day and we started talking about murder. After the incident with her ex-husband, she realized that it had not been my first time handling a dead body – or the discrete disposal of one – so she asked me if I had experience I told her I had.

People who kill together have no secrets. Or at least they shouldn’t.

She knows that I at least kill people or have killed people in the past (enough to be calm in the face of trauma) so at lunch yesterday, she asked me a very interesting question:

How do you choose your victims?

First, I assured her that I’m not some secret government agent or ruthless assassin – although I would make an excellent Black Widow-type…if I hit the gym a little bit more than one a month. Killing is a sport for me. It’s a weekend hobby that I’m quite good at. Most days, there’s no rhyme or reason to who I choose. If they cross my path, they’re a potential victim. But then she said: “but not everyone you choose wanders down a dark alley alone in the middle of the night, how do you get them alone?”

Here’s where you come in, dear readers.

When I say everyone is a potential victim, I mean it. There is no safety in numbers, there is no protection under a streetlight, you’re not safe in a crowded room. If someone is intent on harming you, they will find a way and you are not safe unless you can fight back – and even that is not a guarantee.

The best thing you can do is avoid being careless. Opportunistic killers are much easier to handle. I swim between the realms of “opportunistic” and “targeted” so some of this will apply to my potential victims.

The easiest way for me to trap someone is if they’re walking alone at night. There’s less light, less people, and less awareness of your surroundings. However, I’ve absolutely backed away from someone who was on the phone with a loved one. If I know your absence will be missed right away, I’ll admit, I’m less inclined to take the opportunity. If you’ve been targeted for a specific reason then you’re shit out of luck, sweetie pie. Your loved ones may very well hear you die but that’s how it goes.

If you’re in a group, it is easier than you think to be snatched from the back of a pack. I sometimes do this just for fun. To prove I can do it. The ultimate goal is isolation so if you’re already alone, or you’ve fallen behind from your group, beware. Day or night, it’s not that hard. I will say, if you fight me, there’s a 50% chance I’ll want to kill you more out of spite. There’s no guarantee. Your only hope of survival is to not get caught.

Those of the big ones when it comes to isolating and killing. If you’re alone – or I can easily get you alone – and you piss me off, you’re done for.

Now not everyone who walks alone at night down a dark, deserted alley, will become a victim. It’s a numbers game. You could go your whole life without being murdered.

That was a little joke.

The point is, everyone I pass is a potential target, but that doesn’t mean that everyone will become one. My advice to the living and potentially dead is this: keep going. If you’re going to die at my hands then it will happen no matter what you do. So enjoy your life. Leave good things behind when I kill you.

And as always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/26/17

You’ll be happy to know I opted to confront my husband verbally about his emotional avoidance. At first. It quickly escalated into a physical altercation. We had a tussle in the bedroom on Thursday night and not in a fun way. I told you: if he won’t talk to me, he’ll need to be punished. Really, it was just a lot of shouting and shoving each other around until I pinned him on the floor and he calmed down.

We talked it out, properly. Whenever he tried to deflect I would just kick him in the shins and he did the same for me – like we were children developing communication skills. But it worked; we got it all out in the open and left nothing to misinterpretation. I won’t go into everything we talked about. There are probably some things I should keep private in this family.

I had to give Jason a proper explanation the next morning – I could see a few uncomfortable looks at the breakfast table. I promised I would be completely open and honest if he asked me but I wouldn’t share everything with him. He is my son, not a sounding board; that’s what I have my dear readers for.

Jason’s doing all right, by the way. Has a steady girlfriend, job he’s not in love with but goes to five days a week. By all accounts he’s happy and healthy. I’m more than okay with the fact that he’s thriving without my guidance; but I sometimes feel we don’t have anything to talk about. We don’t talk about my work, James’ work, or family – I stopped asking about Jason’s work when I kept getting the same nonchalant response. These days I barely tell him when he might be in danger because of my actions.

I wanted to share this situation with him as a bridge to open communication. Reaching out to Jason on occasion won’t kill us. It may do us both some good.

And that’s where we are this week: a little tired and bruised but lighter.

I’m glad I talked to my husband first. Who knew communication was so essential to a marriage. That’s a forced joke, I know. Sometimes I don’t know how to end an update. I just keep writing until it feels right even if I have nothing left to say. Like now. I don’t know what else to say but I haven’t quite found the urge to end this update.

Just do it.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 19 July 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/19/17

This vigilante murder is harder than it seems. I forgot that the bulk of humanity is drawn to drama in some form or other. When the average person is killed, the news travels for a day – maybe a week if it was sensational in any way. But the only people who are invested in the subsequent investigation are the family members. When someone horrible is declared missing or found murdered, people want to know why. It’s purely selfish, you see. They want to know if they’re safe. If someone is bold and cruel enough to kill someone who can fight back, what’s to stop them from harming innocent people? That’s why I like killing innocents. There’s not enough public outcry.

It's easy enough to find a victim who has it coming – James has a whole pile on his desk at work and it’s easy enough to keep him distracted. Choosing a way to kill them is just entertaining – this time I chose asphyxiation with a mechanical pencil. Not too gruesome which I hoped would keep the news to a minimum.

I made national news, everyone. It’s been a few years since I made national news. What I thought was a simple gang member prone to violence turned out to be the illegitimate son of a billionaire who issued a reward for any information on the death of his son. The entire city is under scrutiny.

When James found out he was…upset that I’d put myself in danger. I’ve never heard him so sexist. “You’re my wife, I need to protect you.” I think that standoff a few weeks ago affected him more than he let on. I don’t blame him. But if he calls me “his wife” in that pathetic manly tone one more time I will stab him. Nothing that will leave permanent damage but just enough to teach him a lesson. I don’t care if he’s traumatized; if he won’t handle it on his own and he won’t ask for help, then he’ll need to be punished.

I don’t handle crises well. Can you tell? My personal problems are my own but when it comes to others – especially my loved ones – I’m never quite sure if they need discipline, love, patience, or a quick kick in the ass. It’s a bit of trial and error. I’m amazed my boys aren’t more screwed up than they already are.  The immutable power of the human spirit. Or something like that.

My boys are stronger than they seem and I need to trust them. No matter what I do to them. I just hope he talks to me soon. I can’t be held responsible for what I might do if he keeps up this need to take control.

All I did was kill a gang member and make national news, exposing myself to the authorities. What’s so wrong with that?

Alright…I see his point. But I had good intentions and he has no right to speak to me that way.

I suppose I’ll talk to him tonight. Before resorting to stabbing.

Boring.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/12/17

I apologize if my post last week seemed a little overdramatic. I wasn’t in the best emotional state when I found out that my husband might die and in hindsight, writing an update 10 minutes after getting a phone call like that was probably not the best idea. I apologize.

You’ll be happy to hear that James is home safe and sound. Well, relatively safe. He has some superficial wounds on his hands and arms, and the doctor says he’ll have a scar on his left eyebrow – which I find rather dashing – but he’s okay.

I went down to the sight after I published the update and stood as close as they’d let me. I couldn’t do anything but it was better than sitting around waiting. They asked me questions about James – his personality – whether or not he’d try and “play hero”. They didn’t say those exact words but that was the implication. They wanted to know if he’d do something stupid. I told them they had nothing to worry about. That might have been a lie; I had no idea if James had experience in hostage negation or whether he’d keep a cool head in these situations. I know how he is in stressful situations – like living with me – but this was a different world. Not my world.

Two hours of standing and waiting while police worked around me. Then suddenly the door opened and James was ushered out with a gun pointed at his head. After that, it was over in maybe five minutes. The kidnappers were subdued, James was taken to safety, and everyone was safe. He was a hero – at least in a small world, for ten minutes. He got everyone out alive.

He’s been at home recovering since then. I’m told he has a few more meetings before he’s cleared for active duty and I hope that this finally means a promotion. He laid his life on the line and came out a winner. According to one of his fellow officers, he just talked his way out. He talked with the kidnappers until they did what he wanted.

Apparently I could learn a thing or two from my husband. He’s been taking it all fairly well. He says he doesn’t want to talk about what happened beyond what’s necessary. I can understand that. I imagine he’s had to repeat his story a lot. I’m respecting that; which means I’ve made several phone calls to his station and spoken with his coworkers to get the whole picture.

My husband is a wonder.

As overdramatic as I was last week I meant what I said. I didn’t realize how much I…loved my husband until I was faced with the notion that I might not see him again. I couldn’t bear it – I now know I couldn’t – which means I am now more motivated than ever to protect him. I can’t just kill for fun now; I need to help him keep the streets safe. We’re a partnership in all ways. He’s always helped me so it’s my turn to help him.

I’m introducing my own brand of vigilantism. It’s really just strategic murder. Which is a step up from what I was doing before. I suppose.

As always, dear readers,


Stay Safe

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

Your Mid-Week Update for 07/05/17

I’m so sorry, dear readers, I can’t focus on an update right now.

Um…

I got a call from James’ captain ten minutes ago.

He was on patrol last night and stumbled onto a robbery in progress which quickly turned into a hostage situation. He saved all of the hostages…

By exchanging his own life.

He’s been held captive since about 10 last night. They’ve been in negotiations since 1. At first they “didn’t want to worry me” but now they don’t know what will happen next. The captors aren’t responding and the police don’t know what to expect if they go in. They said it might not end well.

I’m writing this now so you understand; if I don’t update next week, I’ve died.

I have never been so scared in my entire life.

I married James because it was convenient and I genuinely liked him and he LOVED me. Beyond reason. Years ago, my like turned to love and it became a strange, passionate love.

Like it was written.

I couldn’t do this without him.

Oh god.

Jason. I have to tell him.




Be safe.